Thoughts that I know are irrational but still disturb me

I can rationalise with myself to think these are false but the thoughts answer back and are like NO YOU ARE WRONG, THIS WILL HAPPEN. And it disturbs me, makes going outdoors difficult .

Here are some examples and the ones I hate the most:

  • When I’m out somewhere like in a shop or in the city centre, some people are brought to my attention and the thoughts/voices tell me they are serial killers, they tell me in detail how these people will kill me and I also see the vision in my mind which is frightening and sometimes triggers panic attacks.

  • When I’m out somewhere like in a shop or in the city centre, I start worrying people around me can hear what I’m thinking and hate me for it, think I’m a bad and pathetic person. I know they can’t hear my thoughts but I still keep thinking they can hear my thoughts.

  • When I am talking to people out and about, e.g. a shop assistant, when we are talking I can see myself from their perspective where they are standing and I look so ugly and deformed, it puts me off my speech.

  • Being told if I eat over a certain amount of calories, something bad will happen to one of my family or friends. I don’t want their death to be on my hands.

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I have thoughts like that too.

I’m chronically afraid that my left eye isn’t mine and is a camera.

A camera one person in particular has access to and keeps tabs on how crazy I am, so a lot of days I try to be as normal as possible just for the camera’s sake.

Also I very vivid and disgusting intrusive thoughts about murdering people.

And I used to have pretty much the same thoughts about calories and my family getting hurt.

I get it,

What you’re going through is beyond difficult and I’m happy you know these things aren’t true.

However, in the moment, they’re still scary and hard to overcome.

Maybe you should ask your team about a more therapy oriented program where you can get into some CBT.

That’s what really helped me with these thoughts.

Or, if you don’t feel you trust the team,

Order some books on CBT,

I think Montezuma recommended “Mind Over Mood” and “The CBT Toolbox”.