I just got tired of living in fear of being killed and decided it was better to think that. I was totally beaten.
I get the thoughts that I want to die.
These are intrusive thoughts, I believe.
However miserable my life may be,
firstly, I believe that any sort of life is better than none,
and secondly, I have a secret hope that one day my situation will get better,
and I will be able to lead a life closer to my ideal life.
I’m just discovering my buried problems. One of them was that I had no hope. Now I think I can develop more hopeful ideas of my life. My home situation is so much better than I thought life could be - no violence here - it’s wonderful. There are upsets and disorganization, but no violence.
This is kind of my philosophy at the moment I just somehow reached the point about not caring of I get killed. I don’t necessarily like it or want to think like this but at the moment it’s the only way I can deal with it.
It makes me happy to know you’re in a better place now though that gives me hope.
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