Thinking about it

I’m at a point in my life where I might actually kill myself. I’ve thought about it since I was 16, I’m 19 now. I know a lot of you are much older than me and have dealt with this illness for your whole life or a majority of it. Hats off to you guys, honestly. I don’t think I’m that strong though, as much as I’d like to think I am. It’s weird, sometimes I don’t think I’m psychotic, like maybe I’m just on another level than everybody else. That belief is always around, in some small way. Which is pretty funny, because the content of my thoughts and voices when I’m not consciously thinking is utterly ridiculous. But then every now and then there are those little coincidences that stir up that belief that maybe this isn’t a problem with the brain, maybe it’s just a problem with my mind, maybe I was just given something that I can’t control yet. But I’d rather not believe that because it sounds pretty dumb to me. Anyway, just wanted to type and get my thoughts out. If you read this, thanks.

@catsrcool . What I wouldn’t give to be 19 again knowing that drugs like min-101 and iti-007 are just around the corner. Don’t quit just before the miracle happens.

Also there’s probably not an afterlife. Even if there is one it could be worse than this one.

Stick with us. We’re all fighting this disease.


Could a mod delete this post please. Thanks.

Hey dude alot of out problem isn’t with out brain. It’s how we withdrew too much from the norm and from peoplr that our mind is dissociated with how things ate working. We begin to start seeing things in the way of how are they effecting me negatively instead of positively .

It’s hard to quit looking for the truth between the lines and reading between the lines of everything in our lives. This comes from losing faith in ourselves and others. How we choose to see the world is how we will see the world. If I go around thinking everyone hates me then I’ll be negative and I will feel like everyone does.

We can’t examine every little thing under a microscope.

When we slow down our actual lives for the reality in out mind, we completely blow our ■■■■ out. The key is to get your mind clear of the bs and full of the good stuff. This is hard. Our mind makes it hard because we reject alot of good things and we have alot in the past because of our illness. Also peoplr get fed up that we aren’t putting postive things out there and we just ruminate bs alot. They don’t see the illness so they see us as black holes of negatively and confusion.

Don’t give your illness and voices so much credit for what you think and feel.

Remember your ehole existence is sz, your ehole mind isn’t as, your ehole brain isn’t sz. You have the upper hand, don’t allow yourself to control yourslef in a negstive way

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Yeah I get you, it’s just that my perceptions of everything is ■■■■■■ up because of this illness. Like I feel like I’m constantly hurting people by my thoughts, even if I haven’t found any physical evidence to this, it feels so real in my head. I definitely think it’s a physical problem for me because this all happened after I did drugs, I was fine beforehand. I appreciate the sentiment though.

You doing alright @catsrcool?

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I’m doing better than I was a couple hours ago. Still not great.

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It starts somewhere.

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USA Suicide Line 1-800-273 TALK (8255). We are available 24/7.

Do you work there?

No, I have phoned them though. You can talk with me here, though, if you like.

Oh okay. Idk I was feeling shitty earlier. Not gonna do anything drastic though. How have you been @Tomasina?

I’m relieved that you’re feeling better @catsrcool. It’s been a rough few days, but feeling better, though, thanks for asking. What makes you feel better when you get down?

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I’ve just been watching stuff online and browsing forums. Also ranting helped haha.


I too at one point thought it was amazing that other people lived to…god…27 years old. I never thought I’d live this old. Look at me now. I’m not gonna die unless someone/something forces me to die. Well I’m not going out by suicide any time soon. But you talk about how some older posters are “stronger” than you but that’s not true. They just have had more time to find the strength.

I was inches from suicide on Mothers Day of 2013. I didn’t do it because it was Mothers Day and I didn’t wanna ruin the day for my mother. Ever since, every single day I have become less and less suicidal.

I was in the exact same predicament as you. Thinking I’m too weak. Then time passed. I got on good meds. Life is dandy…sometimes. But definitely not gonna kill myself although the thought still passes my mind every week or so.


Same here you kinda have to start desensitizing yourself from how sensitive the illness makes you. Remember, everyone elses mind isn’t focused on that subtle energy and are far more less aware. Just remember how you used to be and react.

Sometimes I feel like it used to be automatic and the illness makes it a manual stick shift.

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Dang you said it well. So much of my mental energy is focused on things that most likely aren’t real, though it seems so real in my brain. Also I find I have to make myself focus whereas before it was easy to just do it.

Mines from drugs too. Just being confident and sure of yourself is best. If you hear voices or people reacting to your thoughts don’t shut doen and fold to it just ignore it. If you are getting physical sensations remember that is your emotional responses to what they say or feeling like they are analyzing you. Dont crumble , dont be fazed.

Be kind and be who you are. Work on veing who you genuinely are inside and out. Work on letting go of the thought processes you’ve developed that aren’t benefiting from you. Be aware of how you react but don’t beat youeslef up when you realize how judt the little things we do out of habit are ehat destroys us. Trust me I’ve dealt with it 7 years. You won’t find any answers putting your lige on hold for the illness

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