Okay, I have a severe illness with schizophrenia. I am so mad at myself for my deficiencies. We have all talked about them. So I decide I want to punish myself. So I act, unwittingly, to make myself depressed. One of my good friends with schizophrenia told me we have to accept our illness. Now I understand what she meant.
Acceptance is hard but definitely a worthwhile step. 
do you know how your friend reached it?
I need time. I will reply later.
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Hey, no rush.
I feel you on the self-induced depression. Sometimes I feel unworthy of anything good because I’m sick. I’m trying to remind myself I have the same inherent value as someone without my deficiencies.
What I wrote here above, yesterday, was not true. I am not angry at myself. I was trying very hard to understand my depression. I guess I don’t have a good explanation for why I am depressed. My doctor is going to add a new anti-depressant drug for me next week.
It is still important to accept my schizophrenia, but that is not really the reason for my depression.
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I’m pretty sure some antipsychotics which some of us take everyday causes depression. In my experience, Risperidol and seroquel made me depressed almost to death. I changed antipsychotics, and then the severe depression disappeared.
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May I ask what med you change to?
My doctor has not told me the name of the anti-depressant yet but he said is one that is less sedating.
My AP is Zyprexa (olanzapine).
The antipsychotic I changed to is Amisulpride. It doesn’t cause depression however it causes high prolactin level and fatigue.
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Zyprexa caused severe depression to me in the first month, however the depression went away automatically after one month. I even felt euphoric when I was on this AP.
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I looked up Zyprexa on the internet and it doesn’t list depression as a side effect. I have been on it for years. I think my depression is due to something else. I found some interesting things to do today, namely shopping, so I did not feel depressed most of today. What I need most are interesting things to do to enjoy myself.
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Try methyl donors like methylfolate, TMG. These are over the counter supplements which can be bought from online shopping sites like amazon.
This will help to improve mood and particularly useful for depression, bipolar etc.
acceptance is fine as far as i am concerned but hope that’s the key for me.
hope for better times to come much better.
hope for alleviating sz symptoms
hope even for a cure!! judy
Yeah, I totally relate to this @Here4You. I work casual shifts, so one week I have a shift every day, one week I have 5 days with no shifts. I deteriorate very quickly on those days with no shifts & just feel like isolating myself & sit on the couch biting my fingernails till they bleed. I’m trying really hard to exercise in the morning and to try to see a friend for lunch or coffee - that’s hard for me as I struggle with maintaining friendships.
Do you have any group activities or support groups or hobbies you engage in for interesting things?
I hope your new meds are helpful for you.
@Bchan This evening my doctor raised my Wellbutrin from 150 mg to 300 mg. I am hopeful this will work. It works for a friend of mine.
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@ifeelblessed I also think hope is very important. I conquers some of the depression. I hope for the same things you mentioned. I have hoped for a cure for many years. I believe all my work and suffering over the years is contributing somehow to a better treatment. For me my efforts are a form of prayer.
I guess my main hope at this time is to have days with activity and enjoy it.
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Hi, @Flutterby . Thank you for your thoughts. We have similar problems with days with little to do. I have about 6 friends and I am almost always willing to talk with them for 5-20 minutes on the phone. I feel bad because I feel less interested sometimes like when they are lonely. But they are really not bad and they do not overdue their welcome.
I don’t have many activities at this time. I shop for presents, I go out to eat with friends, I read many emails and read the links every day. I attend a mental health drop-in center every Saturday. I like to cook. I read a chapter or two every few days (usually about religion).
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I hope it make a difference for you. Keep us updated.
Thinking of you dear depression. I’m tired of being this way and having this disease. When it doesn’t get better i get down. AD’s won’t let me for long, then its a critical self I feel. How to have a good self image becomes the obvious Question. I don’t need to love myself but i think I interpret everything negatively sometimes. Two steps forward one step back hopefully only one step back. Where are the positive thoughts for this common man where everything is kind of average, everyday. Its hard to have the disease and be great too. Ya know?