i was supposed to do a placement and even before that i wanted to do hnc but was declined it, i seem to be coming up against a few barriers and it has left me feeling quite unconfident and despondent towards the whole thing, maybe they think i am not ready for it yet but i have to say that after everything i have had thrown in my face having my progress stalled like that i am not ready for it anymore anyway.
i feel terrible because i feel like i am not progressing, i want to just say ‘■■■■ off’ to the lot of it and do a SQA on the job training, but after all of that i don’t think i am ready to do as much as that now, i’d like to try but it would be on rotating shifts probably and i’d lose my benefit money, :(, its just really hard.
i’m hoping my voluntary work will take me somewhere but its only 2hrs a week just now, i am beginning to wonder if i’ll ever get out of this slumber, i am beginning to doubt if i am ever going to be capable, a girl in my counselling class last year is a support worker now 
why can’t that have been me?
i have gained about 30 qualifications maybe more in the last 3-4 years and i have still gone nowhere i mean wtf is wrong with me another girl is doing hnc and is a medical receptionist and she even had a year or so out bc she had a kid.
i feel a bit rubbish bc of all of this tbh, sometimes things don’t turn out the way you want them too but i am trying to see the bright side, i tell myself that maybe it is a blessing maybe the plan is ok, its not my plan but its good i suppose (i hope)