Things are deteriorating quickly

My bf and I talked through I problems with sex over the past week. But its left me feeling really badly about myself. Everything is just piling up. The stress, anxiety. I’ve pretty much stopped eating and have to force myself to drink water, lost 6 lbs this week alone. Walked 2 miles yesterday with my mom, the walk in the sunshine was nice but my mom is… another source of stress.

I feel raw, like I could bawl my eyes out at any minute and never stop. I’ve been hearing buzzing. But it could be dehydration, lack of food, not psychosis coming back. God, I’m so scared of that and going back to the hospital. If this continues on I could easily see that happening. Then I get worked up thinking about that and upset, its a never ending cycle.

I called the clinic and made an appt for Fri to see the social worker. I haven’t seen her in months. I’ve tried calling a couple times the past few weeks to make the appt but we’ve never connected and I gave up, so I guess I could see the warning signs of symptoms creeping up. I think I’m managing to keep up with my studies, we’ll see on tomorrows test. Been studying in 25minute increments then taking 5 minute breaks, its called the pomodoro method of studying. Hopefully i retain and can recall info for the test and then in the long-term for the final exam.

i have to go to work at the hospital for clinical in an hour. Its an 8 hour shift. I usually enjoy it, but am dreading it today. Hopefully once I get there my mind will be busy on work and not my anxiety. My speech has deteriorated with whatever is going on these past weeks. My bf said I slur my words a lot. It makes it really difficult to talk to patients and the other nurses. I’ll have a question about something, but then I can’t think of the words to ask it or can’t seem to get the words out. Then my frustration mounts, anxiety skyrockets.

Thats good news. Sorry you’re having a tough time. Talk to her honestly and share everything you’ve been going through. I think they’ll help.

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On bad days I just sit in silence & stew in frustration or light anger. I literally can’t do anything on certain days. I just hope for a good night’s rest that night & never to return to the same exact feeling of yesterday. Every day is unique.

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I hope this passes… and a talk with a social worker will help ease some of the stress.

I know it’s hard… but take care of yourself. Your going to need your strength.

Good luck and I hope this passes soon.


Hope you feel better soon