Schizophrenia.com

They're here

They’re here in my room. Up by the ceiling. They’re back. Please make them go away. I dont want them here. I dont want them in my life. They laugh and taunt me. They think it’s funny that I thought I could get rid of them. It’s been 3 years. 3 years without them. 3 years of working my ass off to keep myself in control so they dont come back. 3 years of work gone. Down the drain in 3 days. Please I dont want to see them. I dont want to hear them. I want them gone. Make them go away. Please make them go away. I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared. They shouldn’t be here. They’re supposed to be gone. They weren’t supposed to come back. They won’t be quiet. Please make them stop. Please make them stop please make them stop. Why did they have to come back. I want them gone please make them go away. Just go away. Please go away. I’m so scared. They say bad things. I want them to be quiet. Why won’t they be quiet. Why won’t they just leave please make them leave please make them leave I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared
I’m sorry I cannot think. They scare me.

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Hang in there girl. Talk to someone, even if it’s the crisis line. Talk about it and hopefully distract yourself for a while.

It wasn’t three years wasted, it was three years of practice. Which means you’ll get this under control a lot faster than the last time

Relapses happen, and you will get through this. Trust me

They only lie, and their words mean nothing

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I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble lately. Your efforts the past 3 years werem’t wasted, though. Now that you’ve clawed your way back to sanity once, you know the steps to do it again. First step: you might want to go on medical leave from your job. It is VERY triggering for your PTSD and you feel at the end of your rope every shift. Second step: find a way to get enough sleep. I bet even 2 nights in a row of sleep will have you feeling completely different.

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If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.

International crisis hotlines:

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Crisis hotlines in the U.S.:

More resources:

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I have the next 3 days off. So I just have to make it through today. Although I have my cousins wedding tomorrow but I am excited for that. If I have music then the work day isn’t so bad. I think I forgot to post it but I quit as a nurse aide and am now just working at Walmart. I like it. The first couple days I could tell that my stress levels had gone way down. Then Sunday happened and messed that all up. Without music though work can get tough because then I can hear them. I dont see them at work though which is good. I will try to sleep but sleep is hard as at night is when everything is more scary. And when they come to visit me. I will do my best to sleep though.

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I’m gonna go my best to make sure it happens faster. I dont like feeling like this.

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Don’t be ashamed of having times when you struggle. Everyone has times they struggle. I know it can be really discouraging to have bad days when you worked so hard for your good ones. But bad days aren’t a sign you are failing. They are a sign that you need some time to recover. Think about your phone battery. You don’t wait until your phone is on 1% before you charge it, right? You try to keep it higher than 20% so the battery lasts longer, and if you do accidentally let it get to 1%, it slows way down and starts glitching. Then you need to let it charge a whole lot longer than you would if it was plugged in at 20%. Same with people. We aren’t designed to work ourselves ragged through severe stress for prolonged periods of time. We can push ourselves through stress, but only if we then give ourselves ample time to recover afterwards. And it isn’t good to do it repeatedly.

You have incredible drive and self-discipline. But I see you falling into a pattern of being mad at your brain and considering it weak when it is clearly asking for rest.

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Stay strong Neo!

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Frankly you know me very well. I know that I do that. Get mad at myself. Call myself weak. A part of me knows that it’s not true. But a louder part says that it is. I’ve been trying to work on that but it’s hard. I think I’m gonna use this as a way to really focus on the fact that I’m not weak and that its okay to rest.

I’m gonna start with the not weak part as I think that part will be easier than the convincing myself that its okay to recharge and that there’s nothing wrong with it. I’ve already kind of started by comparing what’s going on now compared to what happened in the past. To show that it feels like I’m going backwards but I’m still leagues ahead of where I used to be. So I’m strong because I’m still moving forward. It’s a start. Right now I’m doing good with it. In an hour sim sure I’ll feel weak then I’ll have to keep correcting myself and then I’ll feel good again. I’ll get there eventually.

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