My fiance’s family is infinitely exasperating. They aren’t accepting us wanting to get married and are almost constantly trying to talk him out of it and tell him it’s a bad idea. He has had almost nobody in his family just be happy for him and be supportive. They are just pushing him away and hurting him. It really is wearing down on him and I can tell. Who wouldn’t be affected by their family constantly berating them for the decisions their making. They have also assumed that this isn’t his decision and that I’m essentially forcing him to marry me and he just doesn’t want to tell me that he doesn’t want to get married. Which mind you is not the case. Just about any decision we make his family assumes I’m the one that made the decision and I essentially just made him go along with it. It’s very very frustrating.
My wife’s family all couldn’t stand me. Apparently I was like the first English guy to marry into their French family in 200 years!
THEN my wife had the audacity to take my last name, which gave everyone a heart attack.
Anyhoo, @NeoPolitan02…you’re going to marry and live with your beau, not his family. Be diplomatic but firm with the in-laws when it comes to your relationship with each other…because it’s really none of their business at the end of the day.
Just so you know: They’re optional. Keep your fiance, ditch his family. It will save you grief in the long run.
How am I to ditch his family when once I marry him it is also my family? To do so I would have to ask him to ditch them too and that is completely unfair and something I’m not willing to do. Asking him to do that would only hurt him.
That’s kind of what we’re trying to do. We’re trying to tell them things and explain things to appease them. Just trying to explain why we’ll be fine getting married. We have told them that we ste getting married and they cant change that. Whether they will support us is up to them. It just sucks because I can tell how much hes hurting right now because of them.
You’re thinking of them as people. Try and regard them as an abnormal growth on your relationship that needs to be removed as quickly as possible. If I ever date again, my first question to a potential partner will be:
ARE YOUR @#!%ING PARENTS DEAD YET?!?
Any answer other than yes and I run off screaming.
So that’s sorted.
But they are people so why should I treat them as something different. Treating them as though they are just an object that is in the way will not help them better understand me nor help me understand them. It would only cause more animosity.
I’ve had over 22 years of my wife’s parents. Done with them. It gets worse as they age and need you involved more in their lives. If you think they’re needy now, wait until they’re seniors and the dial gets cranked to 11. Look at your in-laws and ask yourself if you can stand them living with you for years while you change their diapers and provide room service?
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