I don’t know to who they are reporting but it’s as if they are reporting to others that can’t see me or they are dictating to a record/recording of my every move… they’ll repeat what I say, they say about what I do… they don’t know my thoughts however because their speculative remarks are often way off the mark.
Then there’s the direct lines of communication that comes from the fishtank in the house, a more often than not barrage of demeaning and demanding hatred themed beratement. And then the one that has taken the lead when I’m in my shed/room/tinyhouse, is threatening and mocking taunting and stupid…
I hate that they won’t leave me be. I hate being alone because of them and it isn’t helpful towards working on not being codependent in a world that’s forcing me to be more independent.
It sounds like you are deep in psychosis. I don’t know if you have a psychiatrist or if you are on meds but it sounds like you need to seek some help. Whether that is getting a referral to see a psychiatrist from your doctor or contacting your current pdoc if you have one I don’t know.
I would definitely recommend reaching out to some professionals though.
Did you (or do you) have bad friends, who treated you in a similar manner, or may have done so?
I think that I had, at least, one friend like this. Perhaps, also, a relative.
I wonder if the hallucinations reflect the poor way that other people have treated me, but, that I was largely unaware of, or did not suspect, at all. Generally, they act like bullies; many hallucinations that I have had, and that I have heard of, seem to have this in common.
My advice: I think you should decide what you want to do in life, and you should try to meet your goals, in spite of the abuse directed at you, by the hallucinations.
I’m sorry guys and gals, I hate to be a unfairweather friend. I get so caught up in the daily trudgery that I even forget that I had posted half the time… I appreciate all your replies and didn’t mean to make anyone worry.
I am on meds, we changed it up again a few months(maybe closer to a year ago?) To zyprexa after I tried the invega injections once a month, before that was Risperdal consta every two weeks, and risperidone tablets before that.
I finally have a great support team of medical folks. I love my therapist/case manager, and really like my psychiatrist I have now, I actually feel like he cares and I can trust him/them enough to let things out and we are searching for options moving forward to help alleviate stressors in my world without having me just exit the current status quo, because I can’t just let go or give up and give in to my problems, nor can I up and leave my family.
I am grateful to have this place here to be able to just get things off my chest when I remember it’s even an option. I am very sorry that I neglect to follow up when I’m feeling better, I’m just trying to live my best life no matter how hard it can seem sometimes. The bad days are way bad, the good days I have to live in the moment and be as much a part of my family life as I can be, and I forget that my posts are interactions with you lovely people and I need to maintain the continuation of information so people don’t fret over me. I really do feel bad I’m sorry yall, please forgive me.
I know I don’t really know any of you , but I don’t have any friends and I would like this to be a place I could maybe make some connections and friendships. Thanks again for your input, concerns, and I will do better at being more of a regular on the site. Thank you again and I love you.
I never thought that I didn’t have good friends, but having told numerous stories to my wife and other people, they have informed me that the people I thought were friends were not good people. At least in respect to me and the things they put me through or did to me. I can’t even say hindsight is 20/20 because it’s all I knew of friendship up until I was old enough that I am unable to make friends for some reason.
does he ever respond or like seem better?