just seen the pdoc…she pissed me off. there is no cure for multiple personality disorder…i’m ■■■■■■…she thinks i should leave it alone. LEAVE IT ALONE??? is this an excuse for a shrink that doesn’t know how to deal with m.p.d? or is she right? i would guess at a stretch that she may not be qualified to deal with it…you know she has left me with not a single ■■■■■■■ option. leave it alone??? and carry on splitting off and going god knows where? doing ■■■■ know’s what? burning myself, cutting myself…i can’t ■■■■■■■ leave it alone. i can’t ■■■■■■■ breathe and i need to surface…i have to know. i can’t live like this any ■■■■■■■ more.
sorry guys, i know this isn’t sz or voice related but it’s got to me today. i don’t generally let it but today showed me that my psychiatrist is not qualified to deal with m.p.d probably because you don’t see it very often. she said that getting better or getting over something that causes you to have m.p.d can be a myth and delving into it could make things a whole lot worse…but i have this need, a burning ■■■■■■■ need to fix myself…i dunno, maybe she’s right. maybe i’ll make things 10 times worse by delving into the sordid depths of my shitbox but i don’t see any other way. i can’t do this anymore…no i don’t mean life at all, i mean ignore who i am and why i came into being…■■■■ this ■■■■…
sorry guys…just needed to vent
Let it out Jayne…
It sucks to see you like this. Maybe take the weekend to be extra kind to yourself. Your strong.
Sounds like you need a new doc, maybe a specialist.
I don’t know what to say as I don’t know what it’s like to live in your mind.
I wish I could help you, but all I can really say is that everything is going to be just fine.
Surely things can get better. You always mention your quiet periods.
I’m in debt to you for helping me see it’s not real. If you ever need to chat send me a message.
Take care Jayne. What you’ve been through would destroy most people, a moment of weakness or two isn’t a bad thing.
thanks bryan. you’re a star! i’m feeling a bit better now and almost back to my usual chirpy self. you’re a good friend. thank you xxx
Leave it alone she said? Someone like that should be reported to the mental health system who oversees them!
A counselor I have gone to gives me a checklist and there is a place where you can write if you are dissatisfied in any way with your present therapist… I used it once and changed counselors…
I am not familiar with MPD so don’t know about any treatments. Just don’t cut and burn! Venting it is a good avenue to start…write it all down. As long as you are thinking and writing you are going to be occupied with that and not harmful stuff.
thanks emporer. i know we have differences of opinion on a lot of things but your support is greatly appreciated <3 x
thanx pixel…relaxing right now with a lovely cuppa. x
Multiple personality disorder, formally Dissociative Identity Disorder, is a hotly debated topic in psychology and psychiatry. Half of psychologists do not even believe it is a real phenomenon due to few instances and a homogenous (all the same, mostly white women) population. There is debate as to whether one can have DID if they are aware of having it, and most professionals think that if one is aware of it, then do not in fact have it- yet you said
which makes me think that you actually could have it. I am just a psychology student but I may be able to help you out. Keep in mind that I am far from a doctor and that I am merely a student, albeit an outstanding one.
Do you have any recollection of what happens or what you do while you experience being your alters (other personalities)?
Do you often find yourself doing something and not remember how or why you began doing it?
What is your age? I know you are female and white and in the UK, your profile shows that much. What is your current mental status, i.e. what are you diagnosed with as of today?
What medications are you currently taking?
it started i think around 1989 when i got attacked multiple times during that year. i was 15 years old. i started after that year to get paranoid (understandably) about being attacked. life went on and more attacks happened, one of which got me pregnant, for which i had a termination. my husband never knew it wasn’t his but i did. i started to both withdraw into myself and yet become more aggressive in temprement. i wasn’t physically sleepwalking then i don’t think. we moved house and i grew increasingly paranoid about men or a man breaking into the house to attack me. i had this thing where i never knew whether to lock the door just incase they/he came in through the window and i wouldn’t be able to open the door quick enough to get out. i couldn’t bathe unless there was no one in the house. then we moved again and my husband noticed that we could have conversations and minutes later i wouldn’t have a clue what had ben said. i had no memory of having those conversations at all. he said i would do or say things that were out of character and have no recollection of them. i was getting more verbally aggressive towards him, couldn’t stand to be touched, hugged or would only have sex if asked. i had problems with sleeping in a bed…i think because of the association with rape. if i had my period sometimes i would wake in the morning without a tampon in when obviously i’d out one in before going to sleep but i had no memory of taking it out during the night. one time i woke with my top on inside out and lovebites on my breasts. i was very skinny at the time and my breasts were too small for me to have done it myself. i didn’t show them to my husband as he had some serious rejection issue and probably would have accused me of having an affair or worse, left me because of it. it was the tampon thing that first alerted me though that something was very wrong and also my memory capacity was that of a goldfish on speed, and the gaps in memory for conversations, the out of character things i had no recollection of and still don’t to this day. then i started to become aware through my kids that i was sleep walking and that i was leaving messages for myself to find in the morning. the tampon removal still happens to this day, i drive my car in my sleep, i have burnt myself deliberately with cigarettes on four occasions that i know of, i don’t have any memory of doing this. all i know is i wake up with them and last week or ten days ago i must’ve cut myself with a knife on my arm. not to deeply, just enough to draw attention to that area. my daughter has seen me rocking myself on my bed…not knowing whether i was awake or asleep. i talk to someone in the middle of the night whilst asleep, full alert talking you know, not like mumbling or nonsensical ramblings of sleep. i let the dogs out in my sleep. both my kids actually like tis other persona whilst i am awake as i promise them things. they report the same as my late husband that i can have full blown conversations and have no memory of it 10 seconds later. the other day i made myself a coffee and took it to my room. i put it down, turned around to fiddle with my hair in the mirror and when i turned back to take a sip, half of it had gone…i had no recollection of drinking it at all yet i must’ve done as where else would it go? the last thing i knew was looking in the mirror. it seems that i am more alert and awake and aware of my selves whilst i am asleep than i am whilst i am awake.
i have a scar on my vagina from 1989 and three on my face from the same attack, two on my left calf muscle. it was violent obviously. this has been going on (attacks) for 25 years so far.
i am on abilify 25mgs
my pdoc took me off of diazepam yesterday and cut the propanalol in half to see if it makes any difference to the sleep walking. my nurse says it’s d.i.d. my shrink says it’s incurable.
my mum thinks i should be locked in the house at night so that i can’t drive anywhere or at least have someone take and hide my keys. my shrink says i shouldn’t be locked in just in case of fire.
there are no drug treatments for d.i.d, there isn’t a therapist qualified to deal with me. i do have a therapist but she has been told to tread very carefully in the topics we discuss in case it sets off some self harm or more dissociative states. quite frankly, mouse, i don’t know what the ■■■■ to do with this. i have a dashcam that i’m going to set up after i have photographed my scars and lodged them with a solicitor and my pdoc. i am also going to write a press release to go out just incase anything happens to me because it was somebody in the public eye that raped me when i was a child. this is where it all stems from. opinion?
**Wow Jayne! Don`t know what to say…I know there are doctors out there that can help! I will do some research for you and see what I come up with. Hopefully @mortimermouse can too. At least a list of doctors that deal with this. You hang tough lady!
Translation: We’re making money, we don’t care if there is a cure or not. Leave it alone.
I read in the newspaper about a woman, my neighbor, who had DID. But I don’t remember if she was ever cured. It was a long time ago.
But I believe cbt or something might help. She changed to another person when something reminded her about the sexual abuse she had experienced as a child. It was “the child” that reacted and she became a child. Then when back to normal she did not remember what the child had done or said. She had 4 different personalities.
Maybe if you take care of your feelings from abuse or something you have gone through, you might not need to change into someone else?
you know the oddest thing is, my voices are sort of pertaining to be therapists. they beat me up verbally in a sort of gang rape (psychological, emotional, physical, sexual, capabilities, talent or lack thereof) way then wait for me to sort of “explode” or kind of “implode” inside my head and then i feel a bit better. it’s sort of like mentally cutting yourself and enjoying the bleed for the emotional release. don’t know of that makes any sense to anyone. “therapist heal thyself”
I know you`re in the UK-but what area?
From the states…I looked up The Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.
They are the best in this country for information.
This can be overcome with meds and Psychotherapy.
Look it up and see what you think… **