Therapy is hard

Did some emdr today finally. Trying to deal with my fear feelings that cause everything else. It is incredibly incredibly hard for me to deal with, I started dissociating immediately, before we even started, and I couldn’t stop laughing because of how loopy and funny I felt, like I was just blending in with the surrounding world and not in my body at all. However we eventually started getting to really touchy stuff that was badly upsetting and I was so pissed I wanted to throw the buzzers or break them.

As I’ve mentioned before I’ve been working on trying to be able to externally express my emotions in therapy for years. Today I think I realized that it feels unsafe for me to because I feel like I will become dangerous if I do. I want to scream, curse, break things, and hurt people. If I were to let any of that out really bad things could happen. I mean I’ve seen myself in dreams where I have no inhibition literally kill people because they startled me. Granted I’m not as strong in real life but I could still hurt someone. I’m scared of that. Anyone else deal with the same?

summary: Hard emdr session in therapy today, I realized I feel like if I let my emotion take over and express it freely I will become dangerous and break things and hurt people. So it’s imperative I keep it in. Does anyone relate?

Did you tell them all this ?

Are you from the US? What is an emdr?

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Have you seen the emdr apps? I wonder if you can get the same effect without being guided by a trained person

I had EMDR as well as exposure therapy. It was scary. I too am afraid of certain emotions, there are certain things I just didn’t tell them and held back. Partly because I was ashamed of my feelings and thoughts and partly because I was scared of the hell that would break lose if certain emotions would come out.

I spoke about this with a woman with severe dissociative identity disorder. She was really afraid of truly hurting someone or killing someone when the feelings would break out. Eventually she did overcome that. When they did well-guided therapy, her feelings did come out, but they always kept a good eye on what she could take, and they were treated and she felt a lot better. There were really good therapists though and she was in a clinical setting.

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I so suck at therapy. All I know is some pills make you better, some pills make you worse, and no pills makes you worse. I just want the meds that work so I can get out of the dr’s office and go be normal again.

I went a couple months with these suppressed feelings that scared me that I might hurt someone else. It was the worst feeling in the world, the thought that I couldn’t overcome that. My doctor addressed it with a medication change that eliminated that symptom completely. I try to remind myself to be grateful its gone. I’m not sure if a fear of hurting others is what you are talking about. That being said, fear of hurting others because you feel angry energy is different than having actual urges to harm others. If you’re having those it’s emergency time.

It sounds like that kind of therapy would really give the doc an open view of what you are dealing with. I fail to communicate so much of what I need at each appointment and she can’t read my mind.

Did you tell the doctor what you were feeling and basically what you said in this post, during your session? I’m sure it would help if he/she knew that.

I’m trying to help here but I keep deleting and retyping, I’m just gonna post it. Sorry if I come across unfeeling, it’s an issue I’ve had lately. I’ll assume people know that just because I’m saying a med had a bad effect on me doesn’t mean I am anti-that drug… I’m sure it works fine for some people otherwise it wouldn’t have made it into distribution as a drug.

Well I realized it after the session, but I do plan to message her about it

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It’s a form of therapy used most commonly for trauma and is supposed to be like the most effective trauma therapy out there right now. So far I don’t really see how it’s different from past trauma therapy I’ve done aside from the buzzers. It’s supposed to trigger REM in your brain so you consolidate things as past memories instead of your brain keeping them fresh. Yeah I’m from the US.

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Haha ain’t that the truth.

therapy is hard in general sometimes. i’ve never tried emdr, seems like it would take time and patience.

your trying and that’s a step in the right direction.

i can relate on the reacting part. it’s hard not to but when we try lil by lil over time we come to learn much about ourselves, other people and improve on things we want to which brings a lot of satisfaction. plus we interact with others better.

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