I had my therapy today where we discussed heavily about my issue with anhedonia, these are the fruits of our conversation:
I find that the more I have the idea of anhedonia over my head, the more likely I self sabotage any ineraction or activity I’m about to have because I go in with the expectation that I’m not going to enjoy it, which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
For me, my problem is that I keep self analysiing everything about me whenever I interact with people. When someone says a joke, I analyse the feeling of amusement, the laugh I do (is it forced? is it natural? what am I feeling when I laugh? am I really feeling the humour of this joke?) it’s madness. This is because ever since I learned that anhedonia is a symptom of schizophrenia I’ve just resigned myself into thinking that nothing will bring me joy.
It could be that I can enjoy things again but there are mental barriers in the way, like the self sabotage style of thinking that creates an expectation that I won’t enjoy the thing I’m about to do (See friends, listen to music etc.) My task is to try and stop self analysing and checking myself all the time because it creates a fact that I can’t feel anything at all.
If I keep analysing and checking myself then I’ll never be in the moment and I’ll never enjoy myself. That is the source of my anhedonia to be honest with you. My sense of pleasure may be reduced but I make it worse. I hope you find help too.
