The weight gain from the meds is triggering my eating disorder

Since I switched meds, I’ve been gaining weight. I can feel my clothes tightening, I can feel the fat jiggle, and I don’t like what I see in the mirror.

I’ve had an eating disorder on and off for most of my adult life. Although it’s probably a stupid trigger, as we’re talking 7-15kg at most, it concerns me.

I hear myself saying “I’m gonna be so fat” under my breath before I eat stuff. I hear myself jokingly ask people if they’re trying to fatten me up when they give me snacks. I hear myself making self-deprecating jokes about my weight.
I fear it’s becoming a bit of an obsession.

I become grumpy when I’m sitting still for too long because I’d rather be moving and burning calories, and I switch between near starvation and binge eating.

Lately, even the smallest meal makes me feel disgusting and want to throw up.

I know I have to tell my therapist.
But is there anything else I can do to get out of the spiral?

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I would probably just try switching meds, unless you have already had bad luck on more weight neutral ones. If weight gain is a major trigger to mental health issues, it doesn’t seem like a med that causes weight gain would be helpful long term.

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These meds are all I can afford right now.

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Maybe do a long walk 3x a week. Count your calories. It’s possible to lose weight on aps. I’ve Lost 17 kg while on the max dose of Invega.

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Unfortunately, counting calories is also a trigger, as I quickly become obsessive about it :confused:
But yeah I should go for more walks.

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What helped me, when I was on a weight gaining med and had no alternatives, was this advice:

Look at pictures of fat people in bathing suits until they start looking normal to you.

Thats it. Just repeated exposure of them being happy, being beautiful, living their best lives, until you no longer feel mildly weirded out.

It also helped to buy clothes that fit properly and had plenty of room for adjustment. I also have a doctor who has seen me at 130 lbs and at 225 lbs and assured me that my vitals and bloodwork were actually healthier at 225.

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Haldol is cheap and weight neutral. Are you able to take Haldol?

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I’m not sure, I’ll have to look into it.

@ninjastar
It’s not that I’m mildly weirded out, I’m disgusted. Even more so when the fat is on me.

I was doing so well with my weight, all my old clothes are way too big. My dad was gonna buy me new ones that fit at christmas in a month.
Now I don’t feel I deserve them, because I’ll just balloon out of them.

Everyone were so proud when I reached normal weight, and now I’m gaining. I’m letting everyone down by not being able to control my weight.
And it’s the loss of control that worries me and makes me feel ashamed.

I would like to add to my last post by saying that I do not find all fat people disgusting. Lots of people carry their weight well and look great.
But when they enter obesity territory, or their weight packs in a similar style to mine, the internalized fat phobia kicks in.

The place I grew up was not kind to overweight folks, and I carry those scars with me.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone.

I’m not offended. I understand not minding when others are overweight but minding if I personally am overweight. My Mom used to tell me to just throw my food up if I’m gaining and want to eat anything. She also always had me on one diet or another. It’s really bad advice, because being overweight is better for you than vomiting or starving all the time. Hang in there. I’m sorry you’re struggling

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My only advice is to eat clean and exercise

The problem with antipsychotics is that they gain weight indefinitely, every day.
I remember I was at 60kg before taking abilify, and ended up leaving it at 92kg.
It is not that you gain a maximum of 10 kg.
This side effect of gaining weight indefinitely is only caused by antipsychotics, unfortunately.

Are you on Invega??

I was 200lb on Abilify, now 290lb on 6mg Risperdal.

Abilify is a gamble on eating. The two days I was on it I ate 8 times a day, i eat 3 timea a day on haldol. While invega messes with prolactin and antihistamine, it doesnt matter how much you eat, you gonna get weight in the end. Abilify triggers binges eating, it doesnt elavate prolactin or block histamkne receptors. I think abilify is a dopamine modulator, so kinda makes people binge gamble, eat and have sex, also impulsive buying

But yea you’re right even meds called weight neutral like Abilify made me gain weight as I was 140lb before sz and before taking antipsychotics.

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I’m on risperdon and seroquel

At least here in Argentina, weight gain is written on the abilify leaflet.
I guess the pharmaceutical industry influences this.
We will have to wait for antipsychotics with new mechanisms of action. That will happen, but we don’t know when.

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Yeah thats what I mean. Grossed out, uncomfortable. Whatever you want to call it. Look at it until it seems normal to you. Read/watch/listen to pro-fat media.

The point of body positivity and health at any size is NOT “you are perfectly healthy no matter what weight you are.” That is blatantly untrue. Some people are much larger than is healthy for them. Some people are much smaller than is healthy for them. The point is “no matter what size you are, you are a human being who deserves to be treated like a human being. You are worth love, care, affection, and basic necessities like food, clothes, and rest.”

Statistically, very few people lose weight permanently without medical intervention or financial security (which leads to being able to afford healthy food, ample leisure time in which to exercise, therapy to address mental health issues that contribute to weight gain, ability to afford gym memberships/exercise equipment, etc). Weight loss does not have to be the way you measure increased health. It can be measured by hours slept per night, or energy level during the day, or general ability to do daily activities. Those areas can improve even if your weight never goes down.

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Taking abilify was like being admitted to my home instead of the hospital. That medicine made me want not to live and to do things, so I stopped taking it.
I slept for about 12 hours a day. I was a zombie