The walls are closing in

I have NO idea what’s going on with me lately. It’s like I’m scared of everything. Everything. It is a rare thing that doesn’t give me anxiety anymore.

I’m terrified of talking to people and having to interact with others outside of my close friends and family. I’m terrified of driving anywhere I haven’t before. Anything that’s a slight time commitment causes me stress. I’m terrified of having any attention placed on me whatsoever. (And don’t even get me started on how I feel with guys.) Today in band, I was trembling DURING WARMUP. My hand was shaking so badly!! That had NEVER happened to me before.

Why is this all happening?? I feel like I’ve been on a slow decline since college started…I try to act confident on the outside and hide it but inside I’m an absolute nervous wreck. I’m literally scared of my own shadow. Do you know how many times I’ve jumped at my own shadow lately? Too dang many. I’ll think someone is chasing me from behind and then I realize it’s my own.

SCREW this. I used to be outgoing, proud to call myself a leader, didn’t love the spotlight sure but I enjoyed it on occasion. Now I’m just…scared of everything. I’ve become this pathetic trembling nut. It’s really disturbing to me, and I don’t know what’s going on. I say the walls are closing in because it feels like I’m in a room getting crushed by the walls, and I’m trying to push them out but I’m slowly being pushed into this space inside myself. What is happening to me?

You might be suffering from anxiety? You might be suffering from agoraphobia? (fear of public spaces). Are you taking your meds?

I’m not on medication. I’m not afraid of public spaces…I don’t think…I feel safe in crowds actually. It’s whenever I’m alone…being alone makes me scared, but social interaction also scares me, so it’s kind of confusing.

I really don’t know where the social stress came from. I’ve never had stress about it before.

Oh and I know I have an anxiety problem, I was diagnosed with one along with my psychosis haha. It’s never been like this though. It used to just be focused on big events, things I had to do, etc. Now it’s EVERYTHING and I feel like my life has become like trying to paddle upstream because of it.

you might consider getting on medication. I am confused. You have been diagnosed as psychotic before and am not on meds? huh?

Yeah maybe you could use an anti anxiety med it might change everything.

I’m anti-medication for myself. With the current state of antipsychotics I believe they would do me more harm than good. Anyways I have tons of ways to manage my symptoms. I grew up with them…it’s the anxiety that’s new and I’m still struggling how to deal with. I’ve only had it since I was 17…

1 Like

I’ve considered going on anti-anxiety meds before…they tried putting me on seroquel but I backed out and never did it. Partially also because I hated the pdoc and didn’t want to see her again.

I’ve never tried anxiety meds, but given a couple years without stress of really having any responsibilities I was able to eliminate them. There is a mind over matter approach of just putting your anxieties out of your mind. Finding a calm state of being and keeping it with you. It gets easier over time. I don’t know how I’d handle going to school at this point, but it’s good your not letting this illness hold you back.

Best of luck a combination of meds and mind over matter will work best.

1 Like

I’ve been on Xanax for anxiety spikes. It’s not an antipsychotic… It’s specifically for anxiety disorder. 'm on Valium now… it leaves me feeling too fuzzy. I might be switching to Ativan. Just for the panic attacks and anxiety spikes.

You might want to look up some of the meds that are used for anxiety only… just for some ideas.

It does sound like this last stressful semester might have triggered some anxiety.

I do understand that people want to be med free… I do get that AP’s have horrid side effects and find just the right combo takes time and to be honest… for the longest time, I felt like a lab rat as the docs put me on something else and something else.

But not everything is an AP.

I hope you feel better soon.

1 Like

why do you feel this?

Because that’s when every little thing started causing me anxiety. Actually that happened senior year too…but still not as bad…ack.

College is definitely where the people and guy fear really started up though.

Confused on the not taking meds also.

Anyway, usually for me it’s just getting out and going for a walk that helps.

Can be hard to force myself to get out of the house and can I be a bit (a lot) jumpy. But helps me a great deal.

Helps to have some where quiet and safe and relaxing.

Like a walk along a river shore, lake, pond etc. But I find solace around water and I think most people do

For a time when I was really bad with anxiety and didn’t do anything but self alcohol and stay inside alone I thought id be like that forever.

Then I started riding bike with a helmet and shades on the helmet and shades are like a shield for me its a way to be anonymous.

At the same time im interactive with the community but on my terms.

If I feel uncomfortable in a situation I just ride away :sunglasses:

I think its really helped me if hadn’t started that id still be inside 24/7 and much worse than I am.

2 Likes

Interesting…I find sunglasses help me too…I also like to listen to music when I go anywhere.

I’m staying away from your posts from now on Anna. I don’t believe you.

Huh? Not sure what you’re talking about.

When I was fifteen I started getting hit with these really crushing anxiety attacks. Before that I ran with the popular crowd. I was a good wrestler, and that declined in time. Life became a lot less enjoyable. Maybe you should try cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) or dialectical behavioral therapy(DBT). If I was you I would try to make it with as little medication as you can. If you have to have it, you have to have it, but if you can make it without med’s you should try because the med’s have a lot of side effects and they are debilitating.

I’m doing CBT currently. It’s very helpful for anxiety I’ve found.

I’m not sure why people are confused that I’m not on medicine…I don’t want to be on medication so I choose not to. It’s my decision. It means that a large portion of my life is spent managing my symptoms and carefully regulating my mental/emotional state but that’s what I prefer to do, at least until medications improve. I’m lucky enough that my issues aren’t severe enough to be at the point where medication isn’t an option.

Medication isn’t for everyone.

1 Like

I feel pretty antimed when it comes to my own persons. I’m on meds though and I don’t really want to find out what would happen without them. But for me it’s just the lowest dose possible for reassurance sake. At this point I guess I’m happy about my mental health. It’s not as bad as it could be, still struggle to ignore all the bs but I’ve definitely cleaned up my mind and regained my focus. I believe this was only possible through reducing meds. Again this just my personal story and perspective. I’ve heard plenty of cases where meds are a must.

1 Like