Hi, I haven’t posted in a little while. I had gotten a handle on the voices for awhile and I thought my medication was working. Things were going well, I was hardly bothered by them at all. I even was able to forget that the girl was reading all of my thoughts and could think normally again. I don’t know what happened. Slowly, they started creeping back in my head, getting louder and louder every day and bothering me more and more throughout the day. It started getting really bad again last night. They woke me up and immediately started with their ■■■■■■■■. This time, it wasn’t just the girl in my head, but her friends too. I’m not sure how many, it sounded like a few guys and another girl. The other girl’s voice isn’t usually an issue, but the other people are driving me crazy. They have been in my head ever since really early this morning and have been harassing me ever since, nonstop. They keep telling me how disgusting I am, how ugly and fat I am, how I need to just kill myself. As I was calling my psychiatrist, they started saying how the psychiatrist wouldn’t be able to help me, and that I should just go ahead and kill myself now. They keep telling me how much more beautiful the other girl is than me (in my delusion, she is my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who he has been cheating on me with for the last four years and she has been trying to break us up the entire time by turning him against me and getting him to hate me) and how she would be a better mother to my boyfriend’s and my daughter. They have been telling me how I’m a horrible mother and horrible person.
Usually I can tune them out pretty well and they don’t affect me. I have gotten really good at not reacting or showing (or feeling, for that matter) any emotion. I don’t know what is different about today, but it’s really bringing me down today. I feel absolutely terrible right now. I feel so bad about myself and feel like it’ll never stop. I called my psychiatrist and left a voicemail, she should call me back soon. I feel like I need to try a different medication, but she keeps just upping my dosage of Latuda. I’m maxed out on the Latuda at 120mg and it honestly isn’t helping at all anymore. It might be making them a little quieter, but they’re just as persistent if not moreso recently. I hope she will prescribe something different to try. I have tried Abilify and then the Latuda so far. I’ve only been dealing with these voices for the past three years, so it’s still relatively new for me. The thoughtbroadcasting started very recently, maybe 6mos ago, or a little longer. The thought broadcasting is what causes me the most distress. I have no privacy and have had to learn to control and filter my thoughts, out of fear of thinking something stupid. It’s terrible. My head is so messed up right now.
Does anyone have any insight or advice on how to handle the voices when they get this negative and persistent? I’m trying to take care of my 3 year old daughter and am having trouble concentrating on her. It’s affecting my patience with her and making me feel very out of it and distracted. I know it’s so unfair to my daughter, she just wants to play with me and I keep telling her, “later,” and letting her use the iPad. I know it’s horrible of me. Maybe I am a horrible mother. Maybe they’re right. I just feel so guilty for not playing with her more right now and I feel like I’m ignoring her, but I can’t focus on anything else. I just want the voices to stop so badly. I’ve had enough. I don’t think I need to go to the hospital, but if it keeps getting worse, I might consider it. I just have to be home to take care of my daughter during the day, when her grandma and aunt are working so I can’t be locked up in the psych ward.
Someone please help me 
I’m so f-ed up right now.
You’re not a horrible mom. Lots of moms have issues and times when they can’t play with their kids. But you do need to get a hold of your pdoc for a med change. Hang in there! Is your dr good about getting in touch with you? Make sure he knows it affects your ability to fully care for your daughter.
Thank you for saying that. I try to be a good mom and be loving and care for her at all times. Yes, my doctor is good about returning calls. She already called back, but my phone was on do not disturb so I had to call back again and I got voicemail again. I’m afraid if I tell her it’s affecting my ability to care for daughter, it might make her think my daughter isn’t being looked after properly. She definitely is, I’m not alone and have a lot of help with her so she’s definitely happy and taken care of at all times.
The voices always make me feel inadequate too, even if I go above and beyond what would normally be expected. You sound like a great mom because you’re so caring. I agree that the thought broadcasting is the worst because there is no privacy. For me, it’s a relief when I don’t have to worry about my thoughts.
I understand. Hopefully she changes your medication
For me too. It’s so rare these days where I don’t have to worry about my thoughts.
The voices are just as bad today as they were yesterday. My psych never called me back. I will call back again today when I get a free moment. It’s so difficult trying to play with my daughter while trying to shut out the voices at the same time. My daughter and I were playing hide and seek and I hid under a blanket, and she joined me and we were both hiding under it and the voices started accusing me of being inappropriate with my daughter. It’s so ridiculous and upsets me so much. The things they accuse me of are just so outrageous. And they know I can’t just prove myself either it’s just me denying things and them accusing over and over. I’m so stressed out. I’m not guilty of any of the things they accuse me of I need it to stop.
My voices are constantly accusing me of things too. It’s the worst feeling. That’s awful that they interfere when you’re playing with your daughter. I hope it stops soon for you.
I hate it when I get woken up by voices at night. Then I just take clozapine and sleep for 12 hours. Sometimes you need something to knock you out that allows you to sleep.
…Jesus is the answer…throw scriptures at them, remind them that they are damned bcos they’re really the ones without hope…remember, they will reap what they sow…hope this helps…
They’re so bad I couldn’t even eat my lunch today. They just kept saying over and over again how disgusting I am and how I deserve the abuse because I’m so awful and disgusting and fat and ugly. I don’t understand. I’m not that bad? I don’t deserve to be abused like this. I can’t escape it at all. They told me today that if I go to the psych ward, they will make it even worse for me. That they will f— with me so badly the entire time, pretending like my boyfriend is over there with her (the girl who can read my thoughts) and things like that. So, I’m completely stuck. I can’t even go get help because I know that they will f— with me terribly if I go to the hospital. They are trying to hard to get me to commit suicide. They say that’s the only way they will stop. I don’t know how to get relief, aside from killing myself.
You can explain to your daughter that you aren’t feeling good, or just say whatever you think is best for your daughter.
She’s only 3 so her understanding is very basic and limited. “I’m not feeling well” is about all she can really process. and yeah i have been telling her that. I just feel so guilty when she wants to play and I keep telling her “later” and then later comes and I keep putting it off. She deserves to have me engaged and happy. Not distracted and in psychosis.
It’s not your fault.
Listen these voices have been like that basically everywhere. I’m glad you shared your problems this way I can help you out. This is my solution to you… Try and play it nice and trust me if they say something mean try and outsmart them with sympathy. I will be here for you whenever you need me so try and get promoted in chat ask for it and you will get to see my blog site and contact so that you may chat with me. I think there’s a lot of care from me to you b/c I’ve been through a lot to do contact me and keep connected.
You definantly need a med change. Remember the voices aren’t real even though they seem real and also when your thought broadcasting just thinking your thoughts are being watched makes you have crap thoughts don’t try to filter it that sounds exhausting
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