Schizophrenia.com

The truth hour

Continuing the discussion from Trip to the ER:

I used/ still fight off a belief that when a person without mental illness… like my sis is in that in between state of half asleep and half awake… that is when they tell the absolute truth.

So I used to… (even recently) go into my sisters room and abruptly wake her up at 2:00 a.m. or 1:00 a.m. and question her about what she’s been relaying to our parents about me… what she really thinks of me… what she actually saw during one of my glitches…

I never got an answer that made sense. So I used to think she was good at masking her mind even at 2:00 a.m. Now I realize that was my paranoia playing up… (I think) … and jumping into her room at 2:00 a.m. doesn’t give me any answers that I need.

So I just have to be content and trust the answers she gives me when she’s fully awake. I think I’m getting better at trusting what people say when they are fully awake.

@SunGirl, that bit you mentioned reminded me of this and how it was pointed out that I haven’t done this in a couple of months. My sis has had almost 2 months of being left alone at night.

Maybe this is another sign of healing?

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I think that IS a sign of healing. Accepting the truth without paranoia masking your comprehension or judgment.

I’ve been through a little bit of this myself. When I’m feeling extremely paranoid, or having an episode, I call my friends to talk it through.

I’ve always felt that I was a burden on them, or that they resent me for leaning on them so much.

I get paranoid about it and repeatedly ask them if they’re mad at me. They say, “Absolutely not.” But I couldn’t accept this as thruth due to my paranoia. I had a strong fear that they’re going to stop being my friend.

But I’m getting better at accepting their responses as thruth and not letting paranoia cloud my judgment of the truth. I think I’m starting to heal from my paranoia too.

I hope you take your revelation as a sign that people ARE being honest with you, and that this IS a sign of healing.

Blessings,

Anthony

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This is very good news. I think we’re both healing… :smile: :thumbsup:

That is a hard thing to do… I have to tell myself that the people who have stuck by me… have no hidden agenda… why would they? I’m finding that just like with everything… some days are easier then others. I also have to get out of the “your just saying that” habit.

It’s easy to dismiss others when they are trying to be open. My self confidence is so low… it’s hard to take a complement… (my therapist has helped me with this theory. I didn’t come up with it on my own) But it makes sense to me.

Self confidence is SO important in fighting this illness. You need to be able to have confidence in your decision-making, logic, problem solving.

I’m glad you’re working on this. Believe me when I tell you: you are capable, intelligent, caring, and an awesome person who is overcoming this illness! Never doubt that.

Blessings,

Anthony

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Wow… thank you for that a lot.

Anthony, I too love how much you’ve been doing, and how far you have come as well.

Your amazing advice and how you demystify the medical side of things… I do hope you manage to get out there and practice again. Your an amazing person.

I’ve been wanting to say for a long time that you are also someone I look up to on this forum. I’m always rooting for you.

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Thank you so much, James! I do intend to fight my way back to health and practicing nursing again. It’s my calling, and I will never give up on it.

In the meantime, I’m very happy if I can help people here!

Blessings,

Anthony

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James, that’s an interesting theory. It does sound like you are healing. Reading that little blurb makes my mom sound not supportive. She usually is very supportive. She has fought so hard for me. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be here. She’s stressed because her best friend, someone she calls her sister from another mister, just died. So maybe she was being honest when she first woke up, but I just have to stress, she loves and supports me a ton. :sunny:

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@SunGirl
I am so sorry… I didn’t mean to suggest that your Mom was unsupportive or not on your side. Please forgive me for that.

I was just thinking of how people aren’t always them selves when they first wake up. I have to trust that the ambush wake-up isn’t a true reflection of how my sis feels about me.

That used to throw me off a lot. I KNOW that my sis loves me with all her heart and supports me. She’s been by my side in good at bad.

But she does get irritated with me when I wake her up at 1:00 a.m. and 2:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. just to ask the same thing over and over. That used to make me think she was hiding something.

Now I’m realizing that she was just not getting enough sleep.

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You didn’t suggest anything at all, it was when I read what you quoted that I said I thought I had better explain that better. You’re right though people aren’t themselves when they first wake up. Your sister probably wanted to kill you. I know how powerful delusions are though and they make you do crazy things. It’s good we both have family members that are so understanding of our crazy ways. :sunny:

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your kidsister is very kind and patient.
take care

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