I’m dealing with some truth right now that my oldest brother shared with me recently. It’s like finally getting to open a box that’s been a family heirloom only to find that it’s full of mud, rusted coins and cobwebs. That’s my legacy, my inheritance. And it has everything to do with untreated mental illness, unrecognized disability/disorder… My mom was a mess and I feel equal amounts sympathy, frustration and disgust.
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My mom was really messed up for a long time. It’s hard to realize that about a parent. As a kid parents are supposed to be perfect but they’re not. Not at all.
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I knew my mom was neglectful. I didn’t know she was always that way because my older siblings never talked about it. Now my oldest brother is being honest about her, and about just how abusive my dad was… There are seven of us, I’m the youngest, and we all have never talked about our shared and individual experiences growing up. It’s an absolute mess.
My dad was extremely abusive too. But he changed. He’s no longer drinks and is no longer violent so I’m lucky. I’m really sorry you’re having to see your family in a different light. Are your parents different now?
My mom is gone. My dad has dementia so he’s gone in that way too.
I raised my son in my parents home. My mom didn’t need to be there for my son as a parent so there was no damage there. My dad has changed to become more gentle, or maybe it was because he wasn’t raising my son that he felt less pressure. Either way, my dad was an amazing grandparent to my son. That makes me forgive him for how he was with me and my siblings.
It’s not about thinking they were perfect and being shocked. I’ve always known they were not perfect. And it’s not about forgiveness because I do forgive them both. It’s about realizing they were both even worse than I realized and just feeling deeply saddened by that. It’s just so frustrating and sad.
That is sad. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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That is heartbreaking. I can understand the mixed emotions.
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I’m sorry @Hedgehog.
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