Just last week my understanding of what schizoaffective actually is made me feel whole. I finally understood myself. My confidence skyrocketed and I was proud of myself again.
I felt the change as it happened. I knew how it was going to leave me feeling. It was a helpless feeling. I’ve been doing a lot of things lately that I felt good about, and then I dropped them all on the floor and some broke. I don’t know how to tell people that I really can’t handle communication right now. I try and fake through it and I know other people can tell. My lack of any emotion tends to drain all energy from the room. I’m not disrespectful or rude, or happy or loving for that matter. I’m off in my own world. Detached from everything.
I know it will eventually pass, but it’s just so damn hard to wait.