I decided to stop getting ECT. It’s been 9 weeks since my last treatment. Recently I’ve been having visions and some voices. The voices are new for me. They don’t make much sense, they just laugh or say random comments. Sometimes when they say something I see them walking past me and in my head it sounds like they are walking around in my head. It really doesn’t bother me, but I’m wondering if this is the start down the path to madness. Like will it get progressively worse? When you start to get psychotic does it start off slow? I see my pdoc on April 1st and hopefully will start taking Clozaril. The last time I met with her she suggested that we should try it. I hope stopping ECT was the right choice. Any thoughts?
I am in awe of you for having ECT. When I got mine… my head was erased. I was so ill. True there were NO voices at all… But there were NO thoughts at all either… I was worse on ECT.
But for me it wasn’t psychotic… it was the complete memory wipe. I forgot how to speak. I was told that I had NO idea who my parents were anymore.
My thumb and my toe looked a lot a like and I spent hours trying to figure out how to interchange them. My parents didn’t put me through the entire course. I only went through two sessions and my parents could see it was destroying what little mental capacity I had left at the time.
As far as the onset of psychosis… When I was younger my psychosis was both. Some parts were a quick strike of out of control but there were other parts that were very gradual. The mood change and panic attack was quick strike, the voices were gradual. The paranoia was a quick strike and then gone, the delusions were gradual.
I am glad your are talking to your doc. There are a lot of options over ECT these days, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy… and that’s painless. Talking to the doc to see what else might work for you and getting new ideas is never a bad thing.
It never hurts to get more options and ideas… good luck.
Thanks J! I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with the ECT. It really changed my life. It was the only thing that helped. I’m on two powerful anti-psychotics and still had symptoms. It was like living in psychosis. It makes me wonder what I would have been like off of them. The ECT was just getting too stressful to handle. When I first started getting it there were two times I woke up too early and the muscle relaxer was still in effect so I was paralyzed and felt like I couldn’t breath. It scared the ■■■■ out of me. Because of that getting the treatments became so anxiety producing. I’ve had CBT and have some coping skills to handle the psychosis that I didn’t have before. That’s one of the reasons I decided to try going off of the ECT, because I have more tools in my belt. I also have a tattoo on my arm to remind me the delusions aren’t real. It’s of a ship. It symbolizes a ship sailing off of the edge of the earth. Eventhough the earth looks flat we know from the facts that it is round. In the same way there are things that seem real but when we check the facts we learn it is not real. Just like delusions. Thanks for your response. Good luck to you.
I like the idea of your tattoo being the visual that helps you fight a delusion. I have a few tattoos that cover up my burn scars, but I have been thinking of another one in the near future. One that helps me kick a delusion down would be a very worthy piece of ink.
It’s great that we’re both getting more and more coping tools as time goes on.
Yeah having a tattoo to remind you the delusion isn’t real really helps. All of my tattoos have a significant meaning to me. How good were the tattoos going over your scars? Were they tough to take the ink? Do you no longer see the scar? The reason I ask is I have scars all over my left arm from when I used to cut. I’m so embarrassed by them. I thinking of getting a half-sleeve tattoo to cover them up. I’m glad you have some tools from CBT to help you. It was really helpful for me too.
The scars themselves had to sort of be woven into the design. The smaller edges of the scars seemed to be Ok, but the thicker scars they really didn’t take the ink that well so the design of the phoenix has some of the scars in it’s wings and the design is intricate enough that people don’t see them.
My sis says the scars have faded. But I know exactly where they are and I see them all the time even if others don’t. My kid sister’s burn scars are the same. She can get her tattoos in a few months when she turns 18.
I think her burn scars have faded, but she sees them as clear as ever. She was three when we were in the fire so she had younger skin. Plus as she has grown, they have shrank and faded. The scars didn’t grow with her. But she still sees them as large and hideous.
That must have been so scary to be in a fire. That and not being able to breath are my two biggest fears. I’m sure my scars are noticeable to other people and to me they stand out like a red flag. I have to save my money for the tattoo I want because I’m sure a half-sleeve will be expensive.
Im not gonna lie, hearing some voices and having visions was how my psychosis started, and it got worse. Before long I was hearing voices non-stop and having delusional thoughts all day, among other things. It’s good that you might be starting Clorazil within a couple of weeks, it’s a good med. And about tattoos, I want to become a psychologist, my major is psychology concentrating in behavioral neuroscience so I might end up in a lab or as a professor, but if I am a therapist, I would have to wear a turtle neck to hide a tattoo going from my neck down my arm, LOL. But tattoos have always interested me, I have a couple of ideas for tattoos that I have been thinking about for a couple of years. I want a celtic triquetra to symbolize the neuropsychosocial feedback loop of psychology, and also a tribal down my right arm starting on my neck.
Alot of the guys at my gym have tattoos, seeing theirs makes me want a couple. I just have an all or nothing attitude about my appearance, I would have a bigass tattoo or no tattoo. like I either grow my hair out to my shoulders or I buzz it short. I also went from being skinny to bulky in high school. Im either clean shaven or I had a long ass goatee last year. So a tattoo for me would be really big and intricate or no tattoo!
Yeah I wondered if psychosis started like that. I can’t remember when mine started what it was like. I’m hopeful about the Clozaril though. I know it has a pretty good success rate when all other meds have failed. That sounds like a good idea for a tattoo. I think even if you were a therapist it wouldn’t be a problem to have a tattoo. You’d appear more real to your clients. It’s funny, a hundred years ago people with tattoos were in freak shows, now even kindergarten teachers have them. As our society evolves they are becoming more and more accepted. When I finish school I will probably have to wear long sleeves for my job. I’m going to be a computer programmer and I don’t think they’re accepted in the business world just yet.
I want this tattoo, its from a character from one of my favorite animes
Hey SunGirl I used to cut when I was completely psychotic and mixed manic - I have scars on my arms, hands, thank goodness they have faded some. I have tattoos as well, they all mean something to me also
if you think your mad , you are not mad.
if you don’t think your mad , you are mad. ( my first shrink told me this !)