I generally do not hear voices, but I do see entities (for a long time thought they were all spirits…some are but not all). Several of these identities are true friends. They give me advice, calm me down, cheer me up, encourage me, and help me work through tough decisions. I usually communicate with them through what I would describe as “telepathy” (I’m sure there is a more accurate word for it but I cannot think of one), though one in particular communicates with me better by forming letters, words, and shapes on floors, walls, ceilings, or any other surface. My relationship with these positive entities is akin to any regular friend or family member relationship. Mutual love and respect kind of stuff.
One entity, however, is more malicious and unpleasant. Because it is usually a shapeless dark cloud that lurks under furniture, behind me, or in corners, I call it the shadow entity. The shadow entity can be friendly seeming, but this is usually a ploy to get me to do something or to set me up for a nasty joke (particularly when I don’t do what it says). The jokes can be pretty horrific or generally paranoia-inducing. One of its favorite tricks to play is making me believe I’ve cut off a part of my body. These tricks can be pretty traumatic, even after I realize it was all a trick.
Here’s an example of what might happen:
The shadow will say “oh my god! What have you done to yourself?! You’ve ripped off your ear!” I feel no pain and reach up to feel my ear, but it’s not there. I’m suddenly covered in blood, and my tattered ear lies in my lap. I become hysterical. How could this have happened? What have I done? I don’t even remember anything about it! The shadow usually lets this go on for a few minutes before he starts to laugh. “You should have seen your face! That was a good one!”
After one of these “tricks” it can take quite some time to calm down and recover. I worry about the power that the shadow has over me. It knows what I’m thinking, and interacts accordingly. I’ve been trying to completely halt all contact, but he’s definitely around. When he’s in the room, I can feel him instantly. He lurks around me, under and behind, and makes growling noises. He knows I’m ignoring him (I have to remove all contact in order to prevent the tricks) and has adapted. The other day he took the form of my fairy, very convincingly. I really thought it was my fairy until she exploded into a shadow and retreated under the couch.
Now, I have to approach even my friend entities with great caution. I can tell when he’s around, and if he is then I must limit my communication with my friends. He could take the form of anything and I just can’t risk letting him in. This is really straining my relationship with the other entities. They know why, but it’s like avoiding a family member because of who might be hanging around with them. Their feelings are hurt, and I’m crushed that I’ve had to suddenly put these relationships on hold. It’s not fair to them, but I don’t know what else to do.
Anyone have advice on selectively blocking things out?
