Sociopath testimony (female named Thomas)
Power is all I ever cared for in my life.
Physical power, the power of being desired and admired, destructive power, knowledge and invisible influence…
Also ruining people is a display of power.
(…) or ruin them however I like.
Not because I want to witness the results necessarily, but because I want to exercise my power.
The acquisition, retention and exploitation of power is what motivates a sociopath
The author says that one of her expressions of power is to feel like her ideas are shaping the world around her.
And that’s why she writes.
Seduction is also a big game of power for sociopaths.
They see the thrill of catching the fish, getting the fish hooked… And enjoying having that fish hooked.
Until they tire of it…
High-functioning sociopaths also seek to overcome their limitations and control their urges.
That might include forging long-term relationships.
Sociopaths who truly seek to cultivate power realize that the greatest power is power over themselves
Since a young kid Thomas has been [all about manipulation]
She wanted to ingratiate her parents and discussed with her siblings about who was the father’s favorite or the mom’s favorite, and plotted on how to win their favor.
Thomas was surprised when her sibling wasn’t interested in playing the same game of parental manipulation.
The author was obsessed with the power structure of the adults and found all her peers unbearingly simple-minded.
Thomas sought to learn how the world worked at both the micro and macro level.
Not just for knowledge’s sake, of course, but to use it for her own machinations.
Every time she’d hear something the adults seemed so interested about, especially so scared and mystery about, she wanted to know everything.
The “kids’ explanations” for AIDS and nuclear bombs weren’t enough for her, she wanted the adult versions.
The author also says that manipulating adults as a child was much easier than manipulating other children.
Adults forgot what it means to be a child and they expect “quirky” behavior from children.
But other children, they would know what was “off”.
Thomas loved being first in class.
But most of all she loved getting top grades and top jobs without putting in the work.
My career trajectory was astonishing. Especially because it felt like a scam. And I loved to play that kind of game.
What motivated Thomas was not getting the top grade, but to study as little as possible and still pull out the “A”.
Thomas had great university grades and extra-curricular activities, including performing at the closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics.
How did she get it?
“Through well-placed allegations of gender discrimination at her school”.
She campaigned to be elected to the school’s board journal campaigning, again, against gender discrimination.
Basically, she leveraged feminism and affirmative law as a tool to get what she wanted, without caring one bit about diversity (of course).
She loved the office politics and power games in the office and relished playing it herself.
Thomas would try to uncover personal secrets and insecurities from her colleagues and use it to gain leverage on them.
Of course, actual performance was difficult for Thomas because she wasn’t interested in doing the work.
She was all about the form, not the substance.
The author says:
Ruining people is delicious.
Even as a kid, she liked being in a group of at least three so that she could create drama
The author says that for some people, it’s shocking to hear that there are people who are plotting against them.
And it’s even more shocking when they know they might do it for no apparent reason behind the pleasure of flexing their power.
The author describes how she tried to get back a female lover, not because she missed her, but because she missed having power over her.
So she crafted a well-thought email to change her mind and run back to her.
Which she did, breaking up with the new girlfriend, which made the author feel even better.