The look of an hallucinator

A dull face, especially the eyes. I did not like looking at my Dad because he was ugly in a way I didn’t understand. It was that he hallucinated to please himself.

I’m sorry your parents sucked, I truly am, but I have to be fair to your dad on this one. Hallucinations aren’t voluntary. No matter how bad of a person you are, you can’t just up and decide to hallucinate, nor can you control how your hallucinations manifest. They may very well have been pleasing him, but you really can’t blame your dad for that. Some hallucinations are pleasant, others not so much, but none of us can control how anything makes us feel, really, but that’s not necessarily good or bad, it just is.

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I disagree. I catch myself hallucinating all the time and correct it by simply realizing I was being careless about what I was doing.

So you can just turn your hallucinations off? How? Why are you on meds then if you can control it? And just because you can stop them doesn’t mean that others can. I know I can’t. Again, it doesn’t matter how bad of a person you are. Psychosis is psychosis, and I imagine that, without meds (which your dad probably didn’t have access to at such a time), many of us would be hospitalized for life.

I’m sure my meds help but I can correct hallucinations that I NOTICE when I realize that something I am perceiving doesn’t make sense. For incident, if I read the word “dag”, I know that does not make sense so I blink, relax and look again and realize that I had hallucinated the o to be an a.

Well the issue here is that that’s not necessarily a hallucination associated with psychosis. It happens to everyone. And you’re not doing any work to correct it, your brain fixes it automatically. If those are your only symptoms these days, I think that your meds, and, of course, your efforts, are working very well. I’m very happy for you, @chordy. :heart:

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I guess I was sore about my Dad because he used to hallucinate that he was alone so no motion was noticed. Also, I suspect him of hallucinating that I was a boy which is what made me REALLY crazy.

Do you have any other symptoms? Maybe try and relate yours to his and then maybe you’ll see things differently.

I am so critical of people that I don’t work to heal my loneliness. I don’t know how to stop the flow of criticism. Is it one of the defenses?

Yes… I mean, I’m not a professional, but probably. When people are abused, they put up walls. If you’re so critical of people that you live in loneliness, then no one can hurt you, can they? You do it here on this forum, too. I see it in every post. You post some cryptic blurbs that none of us could possibly understand, then say nothing when no one responds. You rarely reply to anyone else’s posts. You never tell us about yourself. No one here knows you, and you want to be okay with that, but you’re not, are you? If we don’t know you, then we can’t hurt you, but we also can’t love you. Open up a little. We can’t hurt you physically, and for the most part, we won’t hurt you emotionally. You can trust us some, really. We schizophrenics have to stick together, after all.

I didn’t know my own image. Thank you. I have to force myself to read others’ posts. I have great defenses against giving.

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@Sardonic, I’ve thought further about your last post to me. I think plenty of people on this forum understand me or they wouldn’t answer as they do. Sometimes it’s work to understand others. It is smarter to say you don’t understand than to get critical and leave without comment. Will you give an example of my being cryptic so I can know more what you mean?

Thèy r voices of men from my country
Many many stories but this in conclusion

@saynow Are you saying your thread is an example of being cryptic? Gosh, I hope I’m not that vague.

I wasn’t trying to be critical really. I was just trying to get you to open up. And I didn’t just leave without comment for the hell of it. It was 1 in the morning. I went to bed.

And my use of the word “cryptic” was meant to mean “unclear,” in a sense. Like this post:

No one knows what you’re talking about. Like I said, I am not a professional of literally anything, but to me, your posts seem to suggest that you’re closing yourself off. Again, I’m really not trying to be critical. Quite the opposite, in fact. I want you to know that you can trust us. We won’t hurt you like your parents did, not ever. :hugs:

Do you still hear voices on meds circle? What are they like now?

Yes, I still hallucinate most days. I just don’t get delusional as often, but when I do have delusional ideas, I am easily talked out of them. I don’t hear voices every day, but I have visuals and other types of auditory hallucinations. It’s been happening more often because I’m under a ton of stress, but I’m getting through it. My grandpa’s not out of the woods yet, but he’s holding on. We’ve got to tell him that his brother died though. The funeral’s on Monday.

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Sorry to hear circle. A difficult time for all of you, my thoughts are with your grandpa and your family at this difficult time, he sounds like a tough man. Sorry to be asking you such silly questions when you are going through the ringer

Well how do you know you speak for everyone on the forum? Do you consult each other behind my back? By the “Chilling fears…” That is like going to a scary movie and enjoying it. Only, with my mother it was her daydreaming. She had nightmarish fantasies. About “empty head” she filled it with bad thoughts because bad is better than nothing. About “muscle up” I’m referring to my mental muscle. The last, I admit, was unclear.
Anyway, don’t give this interlude a second thought. If I have made myself unclear, just say so.
I hope your grandfather is doing better. Peace.

Okay, I clearly don’t speak for everyone on the forum. I was just telling you what I observe. You asked me a question:

All I did was answer you. I did nothing wrong, and I won’t apologize. I’m not that sort of person. I was only trying to help. If you didn’t want my honest opinion, then you shouldn’t have asked.