The Lesser Child

I spoke with my mother not long ago, which doesn’t happen often ( by choice).

We only talk about the most superficial things. I cannot bring up anything regarding my illness to her or she either shuts down or literally scoffs. She has never believed I had any sort of illness, and because she suffers from depression and still functions quite highly, she thinks I should be able to do this too.

I remember many instances from childhood (and teen years) in which she treated me very differently from my siblings. One example: My brother was dancing around the living room and stepped on her foot. She laughed it off, saying, “It’s okay bubby.” Couldn’t have been more than an hour later, I bumped into her in the kitchen reaching for a glass for some water. Her response to me was, “Jesus Christ. Go sit down.”

There are many such examples seared into my memory. She seemed to routinely show me that I was the lesser child. Lesser person, really. Our relationship remains distant and superficial.

This is my feeling. My question is: Do you think this is a common misconception made by children, or could my thoughts have some merit? Does this often happen to children, that one is treated much better than another?

My mum was adamant she had no favorites. I defiantly wasn’t the favorite and struggle to see how she was rationalizing or the rest of the family. Thought I was just imagining it till about 9 years ago. At the time a friend of the family made a comment on something that happened about 10 minutes earlier and started to realize it wasn’t me with the problem.