Once you know you are always being watched, I guess you just come to terms with it. There will always be people watching you and they will always be commenting on you. If I don’t accept it, I’ll live in fear of it and always feel threatened whenever I get gaslit. Now I just accept it. I’m going to be watched for the rest of my life. I guess that’s okay…? I know most people here don’t know me but I’ve had experiences with people where they most certainly do. I wonder: who watches the watchers? Is this really hell? Is hell that bad? Feel free to answer any of these questions if you want. I’m interested in what you have to say.
Yes that is interesting… I have a similar feeling. But acceptance is the key. Famous people are watched all the time, so maybe it is something to get used to. Imagine such a life… then you are seen also, everywhere people would know who you are. What would be the difference?
Well, if we are watched… because the illness makes it so. Maybe we aren’t watched at all, but the illness might make us believe it is real. I am not sure what it is, though…
If you think about it, you’d be watched all the time in heaven, too. It reminds me of that Pink Floyd lyric “So you think you can tell, heaven from hell?”
I would prefer you got over the thought that people are always watching you, myself. But if this is something you can’t do, I guess acceptance is a tolerable temporary solution.
I’m trying my best @Bowens . I want to believe that nothing is watching me but I can’t help but feel that there is someone, some group or something out there that is watching me.
What do you mean by watching you? Like a human being or an alien or?
I’m sorry to hear you feel like you are in hell.
Idk maybe one day this feeling will go.
I know currently you want to just accept it though and I understand that. Sometimes constantly fighting something is very exhausting
I can’t stop my mind from making connections. Generally it is difficult for me to tell if those connections are real or not. It makes reality less solid for me. I’m at peace, but the connections I’m making make me think that I’m being watched. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. It’s just that there are things I can’t make sense of using my logical brain and just write off as coincidences. I want to forget psychosis but my mind drags me back into it when it tries to make sense of certain things I’ve seen. Really, that is what disturbs me. The fact that I can’t make sense of reality. That it is illogical. I can’t wrap my head around that and it bothers me.
I’m really glad that you have insight that is a very very positive thing.
Do you believe that reality is fundamentally logical or illogical?
You have real good questions. My shift starts soon. Can I get back to you. Cos I need to think about that question
Go for it. Good luck on your shift.
I will answer your question since she is leaving for a bit. I’ve found most things in reality are logical. Meaning, they can be explained through logic if you are smart/knowledgeable enough to understand them. This doesn’t mean that some things do not appear illogical though. I am not smart enough to know everything. And there are some mysteries that are not explained yet. Todays science would seem strange and magical to those living 500 years ago, but it nonetheless has a logical explanation.
Accepting it was what I did. I got used to “living in the spotlight”. Gradually, I realised that there was no-one watching, or that if they did, I could trust them not to use it against me. However, if no-one is watching, that is kind of boring, as it tends to suggest I’m not special and chosen.
I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I have one side that is here in reality and another that buys into fantasy and I don’t know what to do about it. It feels like I can’t stay in reality, I just get taken down these rabbit holes and all the bad connections I’ve made make me connect the dots in ways that aren’t even coherent. And it’s automatic. I just go down these trains of thought that make no logical sense and when I try to retrace my thoughts I can’t remember what the hell I was thinking when I started. I guess I have some level of insight but man it’s a struggle to see things in truth. I keep putting my own interpretation on things and I don’t know how to stop it.
Yeah, I’m sorry to hear that. I had irrational/racing thoughts when I was psychotic, but I was fortunate and medication solved all these issues for me.
I mean, it is what it is lol. I’m not going on more meds. The clozapine I was on before damaged my memory and it still hasn’t totally recovered. I hope to find the right strain of CBD that can maybe slow my thinking down enough, but I haven’t found it yet. I think super-low THC strains work best, because those trigger my psychosis a lot less. I know you’re not into that stuff, but I think it’s promising and it’s way better for me than a pharmaceutical drug.
I’m not really for or against CBD. I am assuming you are talking about previous comments in CBD thread. As I said, I just think it’s usefulness is overblown. I really doubt it is going to help in treating cancer and the like. People claim it is useful for everything. My mom tried to get me to use some oil years ago for tooth pain. I finally gave in and tried. It didn’t do squat. It is not a cure all. It’s not the panacea that some make it out to be. If it helps you though, that’s great. I will restate again that I think alot of it is a fad that has its root in what it comes from, making it cool and hip.
I never said that it doesnt have its uses though.
I definitely feel more sane on it. It just can’t have ANY thc in it. Anyway, I think I have a god complex or something. Why else would I feel that reality cares what I think about it? For some reason I think irrationally and then believe all my thoughts as true. I got to work on that.
I have kind of got to a similar state of mind to you too sometimes in the past. @crazydiamond444
Because in the past I would get certain feelings. And I found it hard to ignore them. So I’d base my ‘reality’ around that, and construct my own sort of beliefs around it using information that I would use as evidence although that information could easily have been evidence for other things too instead of what I was believing.
Maybe that’s how what you mean by logical and illogical. So by illogical, I mean basing reality on feelings and constructing around that.
I don’t know but I know I’ve done such stuff in the past.
I think @Bowens makes a good point. Some things that once were absurd by the population later became reality.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything that humanity finds illogical at the moment will nececesarily become reality in the future.
We’re all being watched to a certain extent these days. It’s unavoidable if you own smart devices or newer high end items. My stove has WiFi. I monitored traffic from it and found it regularly phones home to Samsung. Or it did. Blocked now. A TCL smart TV sends all kinds of data back to the manufacturer. My car has a black box that will reveal how I was driving immediately prior to an accident. Location services on my phone will fill in the blanks.
Oh, and if you happen to use social media? Ooooof.
The thing is, I’m not being singled out and I doubt that anyone is talking behind my back. I’m just not that interesting. Neither are most of the people who think they’re being targeted. Why would I watch you when I can replay Will Smith pimp slapping Chris Rock another hundred times? (I’m sorry, but that’s not getting old.)