My worst fear was when my boyfriend left on his trip I would become a nonfunctional mess, not being able to take care of the apartment or myself.
On the plus side, I have been doing amazing in the functional area. I have been pushing myself to do housework, to go out with loved ones, to do things I like, to groom myself, to exercise, etc.
On the negative side, I still cannot get my eating and drinking under control. I eat throughout the whole day, junk, and have gotten even worse about cooking with him gone. I now drink straight from the bottle every night (which in some ways I think is better, I don’t fill a cup and then feel pressured to finish the cup even when I feel ill, and it saves dishes too) and while I have not gotten drunk since he’s left I have been getting at least tipsy almost every night. In summary, I have been drinking too much. Last night I ordered and drank an entire 32 oz of margarita. Not only is the alcohol bad but the excess calories are terrible too.
I don’t understand how I can be doing so well in some areas and then just horribly in others. I desperately want to stop but feel so helpless.