The gloomy cloud hangs over me

Somewhere along the line I said on this forum that small pleasures are what make life worth living - walking on the beach, going to the flea market on Sundays, drinking coffee with my husband, reading a book, watching my fish, etc. And it’s really helping. But then I get days that even those small pleasures don’t get me away from the overpowering gloom hanging like a dark thundercloud above my head. The future looks bleak and hostile, and no matter how many small pleasures I indulge in, the gloom remains. The small pleasures end so quickly, like for example, drinking a cup of coffee lifts me, but it ends too soon and then when the cup (or mug) is empty, the gloom returns. This is how I feel, life is so gloomy and dead. My husband tried to cheer me up with a long back scratch today - another small pleasure that lasts too little and ends too soon. The weight of gloom descends again, and now I am thinking ahead of my life, and can’t face it today, the future is too bleak. Nothing nothing nothing… nothing for me to live for, I am just living because God wants me to. I am barely coping, I just can’t cope well enough to live a decent life. My housework is tons behind, my husband has to remind me to clean the house. Left to myself, I would be a recluse in a dusty house with a starving husband. :frowning:

Depression sucks big time!!!

I’ve been where you are. When I was on Haldol I was totally demoralized. Things can change. Maybe you could try anti-depressants. Maybe you could take a trip. Life doesn’t have to be that way.

Funny, but the med that my pdoc prescribed for depression (olanzapine) has been increased three weeks ago, and I am still feeling depression maybe even worse.

Maybe a lower dose of Zyprexa is whats needed for you, to control depression.

Antipsychotics at higher doses sometimes make depression worse.

Talk it over with your pdoc about it

Think about the last time you were depressed that eventually passed didn’t it? that’s what I usually tell myself if I don’t I could go for months.

Not sure how many days in a row you get depressed, but if you’re like me and it only lasts a few days… don’t get meds for it, just learn to live with it. Remember that it always goes away, and usually quicker than you think. God probably doesn’t care… but you are allowed to disagree with me on that one. Live for your own sake. That’s the only way to really live.

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I’m sorry this is hitting you… @Hadeda

I wish I knew what to say that would brighten you day…

It’s hard to climb out of the dark mindset…

I hope you can find another writing project that will help energize you…

Sometimes engaging the creative side has helped me climb out of my rust brown void spiral.

Sending good vibes your way… :bug: hug.

I have found that mornings I’m in a much better mood. People usually are, after you have your coffee when you wake up. That’s when I do most of the work. Clean, cook, organize. I find that I function better in the mornings. I have become extremely lazy I probably need an anti depressant also. Do you think you can exercise at all? If you do a short high intensity exercise, you’re gonna feel much better.

Oh, mornings are the worst. I am in my best mood in the evening and night.

I’m experiencing severe mood swings at night around 5 pm. If I had any emotions left I would cry. I just get depressed and miserable. I just have intense hope and will that it’s gonna get better soon. It’s good to be stubborn like that. But im out of patience

My depression is creeping back in, like a low lying fog or dark mist.

Hang in there @Hadeda - I know that I will try.