The future looks bleak and dim even though it's sunny outside

I’ve got this depression feeling under the surface. I carry on daily life as usual, but I feel this gloom resurfacing. Dunno if it’s because my meds are too low a dose, but its a strange feeling. I don’t feel sad as such, just a little gloomy like my future is bleak. Ramadaan fast is starting next week, and the thought of fasting all day from dawn to sunset depresses me, even though I know I am exempt from it due to my sz. I feel inadequate, not good enough, just a burden on everyone. I keep on thinking of that sharp knife my mom gave me to cut veggies, I keep on thinking of cutting myself instead, but I am terrified my husband will find out, so that stops me somewhat. And what’s the point? It’s just a crazy temptation. I remember when I told my husband my mom gave me that knife, he still said who gives a schizophrenic a knife? That it’s dangerous, why did my mom do it? And so on. I suppose it’s true and if I cut myself again I should ask my husband to hide it away from me.

Just my thoughts on this sunny winter’s day… :sunny:
Gotta go make bolognaise for lunch now :blush:

Enjoy bolognaise
Hope your mood lifts and that u can start to enjoy things again

You’ve been on my mind lately. Sorry if I’m just presuming on anything. Anyway I live in Australia but I’m not far from a few Muslim schools. Because of that there is a large Muslim community near by. Wondered if that was an option to get more support for you. Not so much move to Australia but finding Muslim schools near by to you for the Muslim community. Perhaps something to talk to your husband about and come to a compromise.

I hope you feel better soon either way.

Absolutistic, totalistic, all-or-nothing, extreme thinking is almost always at the core of depression (and mania). Time to check on that? I have to do so at least ten times a day.

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Your husband is kinda right. …in my opinion.

Sending (hugs) your way. Hope you are feeling better.

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