It’s been at least 10 years since I was first diagnosed, and even though I came to terms with the diagnosis I always rejected meds. My doctors would prescribe me medication but I always kept quitting it because of the side effects, everything I took made me into a fat, drooling zombie. I would take the meds for a few months then stop because of the akathisia and the sedation.
Until now. I’ve finally found a med combo (lithium, sertraline and olanzapine) that keeps me reasonably stable without sedating me. I finally feel like myself. I feel like I lost ten years of my life to this illness, but now I can function in my own sort of sub society way. I live a very quiet life, little socialisation, and I don’t think I could work yet, maybe never, but my mood is relatively stable and psychotic symptoms are minimal, just vague hallucinations, I do struggle with unwanted thoughts, social anxiety, and outburst of inappropriate emotions, but compared to how I’ve been in the past I’d say I’m 75 percent better than I have been in many, many years.
I just wanted to put this out there, in the hope that it will give others hope that things really can get better, even if does take years. I feel like I have my life back. It is a different life, I doubt I’ll ever manage to return to full time work or have children, but I have learned to take pleasure in the simple things like sitting in the garden watching the birds, and just having a little peace in my mind. I do feel sad that I will probably never fulfil my potential in many ways, but after a decade or more or utter hell, this will do. I am content, and that is enough.
Beautifully said @Turquoise
I myself have gone through such hell with meds only to find a combo, lithium, olanzapine and lexapro and am becoming someone I once was.
I’m not entirely him yet but I’m getting stable and taking joy in the small steps I achieve. I know there’s a huge light at the end of the tunnel and I am truly chipping away at it.
Congrats on your achievements
That’s a very encouraging post. Thanks.
I too am feelin relatively stable on a Vraylar, Pristiq, and proprananol. It’s been a rough ten year ride for me too but these meds have taken a ton of voices away. I still get some tactile hallucinations but not nearly as many and some other symptoms. But the meds really are helping. My anxiety is mostly under control. I think when depression and anxiety are under control the other symptoms get better too and are easier to deal with. Having my anxiety under control has helped me to worry less and not obsess over the delusional type thoughts.
There is hope for us all.
I am so happy for you @Turquoise and @anon20318121!
Congratulations on your success. I’m glad you found a good combo!
A nice message and glad your doing well! It makes a difference if you can find that right combination. There’s no reason to it and you’ve just got to try meds to see what works.
Meds work for most people. It basically comes down to effeciancy vs other things like side effects and having a good doctor can really help!
@Turquoise I’m glad you’re doing better. I haven’t found the right meds yet.
@anon20318121 did you ever have to try clonzapine? I’m scared of trying it due to the possible low white blood cells.
I hope your situation improves
Wish i had an answer I’m 20 yrs into this mess called Schizophrenia. (and PTSD) I too live a very quiet life. My life is Dull? Boring? my mind cleared also after 15 yrs. I’m now 7 years in a very strong remission. But i hide. I just am terrified at times.
Wish i had an answer for you.
I did discover a passion since my healing took place 7 years ago. I learned i love to write. So that’s a new dream i am pursuing , Dare i admit my age. I"m 49. Wow. That sure sounds old. But better late than never.
I understand how you feel “lost” in life. Like being in a coma. Where life went on for everyone else but we got left behind. Heck, i just got a cell phone 3 years ago. A “smart” phone this year. And no i don’t know how to use it. Just call and text. That’s all i know how to do… I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone I don’t know how to use it.
But, I do understand your pain.
I also understand being able to type. but the software programs are soooo advanced now. I got lost. I want to return to work. But its not feasible. When everyone seems to know the Microsoft Programs…and i don’t. Plus i didn’t have a career. Haven’t really worked in years. I just survived. So i understand you…we kinda wear the same shoes.
So yes. I agree…the DRUGS DO WORK. (but where do we go from here?) So i do understand. Its like being in a time warp. Time stopped for some of us. I’m 49. But i feel like i’m still 31. When time just STOPPED.
So just know you aren’t alone in how you feel. I"m RIGHT There with ya.!!!
I think 49 years old is the perfect age to start writing. Now you have the maturity and life experiences to share!
You’re old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyways!
awwww…Thank you …Thank You…Thank you!!!
you must be an angel in disguise !!!
My life is hell off of medication. Like you I’ve found the right combo and I am NEVER going off.
Nice to hear some positive news for a change!
Dear, just one question - how did you fight the akathisia? Me, I still pace because I am anxious… I just started lithium one month ago but my mother says that I became crazier…
Luckily the current meds don’t give me akathisia. Before I took procylidine which helped a lot.
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