I think my hatred and fear of the grocery store dates back to high school. I used to get home from school at 2:30 pm and my mom would have me go to Safeway at 3:00 pm, right when the middle school next door to Safeway got out. There would always be a group of 7th and 8th graders hanging out near the entrance to the store. I hated walking among those kids, I always thought they would mock me or something (they never did). I was a kid myself so I had to do what my mom said, no matter how much I hated it.
Then when I was 18 I moved into my sisters apartment. We were like roommates, I paid half the rent and utilities and did my share of cleaning and I had my own room and I had the run of the kitchen and the living room. Things were going along alright until I took too much acid one day. I remember it was on a Mothers Day and I was by myself in the apartment all day. The result was massive headaches and anxiety and I was spaced out for months. I’ve never been the same. Don’t do acid, that’s what it can do to you folks.
And another byproduct of those bad trips was I got agoraphobic. The bad trips triggered my schizophrenia but I wouldn’t be hospitalized for another 6 months. The agoraphobia was so strong, I couldn’t bear driving or walking around my apartment complex. I was in a panic state whenever I left the house. I was still working though, lol. I had a job in a tobacco company warehouse. I went to work and actually made some friends there.
But part of living on my own was I had to shop for my own food. There was a grocery store right down the street and I remember going inside and it was so bright and busy that I panicked so badly that I had trouble breathing. I don’t know if people noticed anything different about me or if they could tell something was wrong; I really don’t know. Anyways, that’s my early history with grocery stores. I should say here that I was surprised to find out a few years ago that my normie sister hated going into grocery stores too. That made me feel a little better.
I’ve been to the grocery store a million times over the years since I’m 61 years old. Sometimes I will live somewhere where it isn’t so bad. I started getting groceries delivered about 20 years ago when I was renting a room in this women’s house. It was the perfect way to avoid going to the store. When I lived by myself from 2008-2015 I had groceries delivered regularly. I shopped online every three weeks.
Honestly, there’s many perks to grocery shopping online. For one thing, it’s easier to find sales when you’re shopping online because each store has a feature that allows you to view all sales whereas if you’re inside a real store you might not see all the sales. Also, it’s easier to compare prices between products online. All the same items are neatly grouped together on the page and you can compare and see what’s cheapest easier than being in a store. And when you’re looking for that one-of-a-kind ingredient for a recipe that calls for German balsamic vinegar or marshmallow creme topping or diced tomatoes w/peppers or molasses it’s easier to find when you’re shopping online instead of having to search the store in person.
That said; the reason I wrote any of this is because since I basically live on my own now, I have to do grocery shopping. I started having groceries delivered but Safeway went from charging $3.95 per delivery to charging $5.99 plus now there’s a mandatory 18% tip for the driver. It never used to be like that. They also charge some miscellaneous fees so now if I buy a $150 worth of groceries to be delivered I’m looking at an extra charge of about $26 per order! That’s crazy, I don’t see how people can afford that so I started going to the store in person again.
And I just realized tonight I’ve been going to the store for 4 months now. That’s an accomplishment. I go about two times a week but I get up at 7:00 am and go early to avoid crowds. I didn’t notice that it’s been so long since I’ve had groceries delivered. I still hate grocery stores but it hasn’t been half bad these last few months.