The course of this "disease"

Such Should Not Be So For GentleSoul(s) Like Yourself

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The course of my illness:

Became depressed and suicidal at age 17 due to chronic bulimia

Became psychotic at age 23 on first day of nursing school.

Was continuously psychotic all through first two years of nursing school

Psychosis became a bit better after received my nursing license

Graduated from nursing school with BSN

Joined the USAF as an R.N.

Relapsed into psychosis and mania while in USAF

Discharged honorably from USAF two years later.

Went to work in civilian nursing field. Was still manic.

Started relapsing into depression and suicidal thinking, every 2- 4 weeks, and ending up in the hospital like a revolving door. This went on for approximately five years.

Moved to Omaha, NE and got new pdoc who took me off all former meds and put me on Risperdal and Serzone. My depression immediately improved but not totally gone.

I had experiences that totally changed my life for the better and I immediately improved. My depression and suicidal thinking completely disappeared. At this time, I had been put on the drug, Tegretol. This mood stabilizer could very well have been partially responsible for my improvement.

I began hearing mumbling voices, hearing hallucinatory music, and seeing shadow men. I was put on Risperdal Consta injections and these almost completely disappeared. The Tegretol was discontinued with no ill effects.

My 30 year old, sz son died by suicide. I went backward and fell into a short suicidal spell. I was put on Celexa, an anti depressant, and Klonipin an anti anxiety agent and I was hospitalized for a short period.

I released my first musical album. It was dedicated to my son. It was produced and written by me and performed by both my piano instructor and by a studio musician. It won recognition by YouTube.com A great honor. I was still paranoid at this time, with telepathy and thought broadcasting symptoms and the delusion that the whole world was hostile and hated me.

The following year, I released my second musical album. It was produced and written by me and performed by my piano instructor. It was not successful.

In 2015, I became very confused and was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment by my pdoc. I got into a total of five car accidents in that one year and received two traffic citations in that same year. I also was thrown into jail one time in that year for making traffic mistakes. I got a DUI for driving under the influence of psychotropic medications. My probation was to make sure I took my psychotropic medications. Go figure!

In 2016, I released my third musical album. It was written and produced by me and performed by a second piano teacher. It wasn’t successful either.

Next, I moved into a senior living community and sold my car. I was very happy here. After one year here, my paranoid thoughts went completely away. Telepathy and thought broadcasting disappeared after the first year here too. I was doing very well. Eating right and exercising everyday.

After year three in the senior living community, I am now completely psychosis, depression, and mania free and ready to leave and move back into a regular apartment, which I am in the middle of doing right now.

*I am very sorry for the long post everyone. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.

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Are you male or female my friend? and where can we/i hear the album?

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I’m female. Here’s a link to my website: www.MyOwnAnthony.com The albums that received YouTube.com recognition are “Hold Me” and “Reflections” for the tracks: “Hold Me”, “Pretty Guitarist”, and “Triste”.

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Diagnosed at age 19 in 1980. Spent my firrt year floridly psychotic in group home.
Next, 8 months in psychiatric hospital. Next, fancy group home called “Residential Treatment Home”. I got a job while I was living there though I was psychotic a lot while I was working

Then 5 years in supported housing where I became pretty stable. I worked at the job for four years. I figured around that time that I would never be hospitalized again. As they later told me in AA: “If you want to make God laugh, make plans.”

Then four things happened. I picked up a drug habit in1986 and got kicked out of supported housing. I lost my job. Soon I relapsed and ended up hospitalized 4 or 5 times.

It took me a year to recover from the relapse and incidentally, I was taking my medication but I still relapsed.

Then 1990. I was in a temporary crisis home during my relapse but I got serious about kicking my drug habit and I started going to AA. I started going to three AA meetings a week. I count January 1st, 1990 as my sobriety date when I was in that temporary group home.

So I got clean and sober, I got another job and I moved into a board & care. After a few weeks there, I enrolled myself community college. I didn’t have a car so I took the bus 4 or 5 days a week for an hour and half to work. On the days I wasn’t working I took the bus to school.

I started going to AA, CA, and NA meetings in earnest. I was doing my job , going to school, and taking the bus or walking to 5 or 6 meetings a week. My mental health was the best it had ever been up to that time after having paranoid schizophrenia for10 years. i made a friend and he came to meetings with me and on weekends we sometimes went to movies or to Tower Records to shop for cassettes or Videos or we went to AA functions like barbecues or picnics. I was also visiting my family often and doing things with them.

I stayed in the board & care for 5 years until 1995. I had changed jobs once while I was there after 3 years. I was in school the whole time I was there.

Anyways, to wrap this up, I moved out in 1995 and rented a room in my sisters house. I lived independently up until three years ago, usually renting rooms in peoples houses. After three years at my sisters I moved out and lived in 5 or 6 different places. I got a car and I have driven steadily since 1997. I take online classes, one class at a time. My mental health fluctuates. It has been harder lately. The positive symptoms are under control, I often have great peace of my mind, clarity of thought, calmness, the mind slows down instead of going a mile-a-minute.

I work part-time 3 days a week. I go out almost every day and even though I am back in supported houseing (in an apartment) I still take care of my own business and manage my own money. I make my own appointments and drive to them. I shop and cook for myself. I pay my bills. I take care of my car and get haircuts myself, lol.

I have taken some walks lately and see my sisters once a week, my step-dad about once every two months and talk to my step-mom on the phone. The guy at work has invited me several times to go hiking or out to coffee and if I was smart I would take him up on it. But I kind of like operating alone for now and even at age 57 I am still trying to “find” myself.

That’s all I will put here. There’s a ton of experiences that happened to me in between everything I wrote here, a lot of it interesting, some of it tragic, some of it just life experiences, just kind of neither good nor bad.

Signing off:
“Content in California”

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1998-2002 - anxiety attacks and voices
2002-2006 - breakdown, repeated episodes of mood swings, depression and psychosis, four times in hospital
2006-2011 - remission, off meds
2012 - relapse, back on meds
2013-2018 - stability alternating with episodes, in hospital four more times, coping better now on correct meds

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I don’t know my diagnosis but the course was:
kid = anxiety
15-17 = anxiety out of control, lost connection with people, difficulty keeping up with the routine.
17-21 = dropped out of school, difficulty in studying.
21-now = can’t even read anymore, feeling stoned/ in a dream, mental world is stronger than the real one.

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That’s a pretty amazing story… I’m sure mental health in the 80’s was much much different than what we get today!

I wish you all the best and hope you find yourself like you said…

I too am trying to find myself… I am much younger than you… not much… but younger… and I feel like trying to find myself is in fact searching for a cure for this disease… I feel like if I find myself and this cure I can go off meds and live a stable life… It kinda scares me to hear that people even years after recovering find themselves relapsing or going into a bad shape… I don’t wish that for me at all…

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