It’s making me slowly claustrophobic. I get so tired of looking at the walls of my families place. It’s small and overcrowded and my cousin is to full of testosterone. You know those people? It can be fun to wrestle if you have the energy, but im too mellow for that. Theres no privacy or silence or peace here. Then i go outside to try and gather myself and what do you know? More walls and people and noise. I feel like im still inside. Like im trapped. There aren’t any stars here. It’s like a giant black ceiling. I had to cut down running because the concrete gets hard on me after while and my breathing is changing and i don’t like it.
Just keep breathing teo. Relax. Try to enjoy yourself. Calm down. Breath.
I’d like to think i was actually doing pretty well before I had to come here. Surprisingly optimistic and energetic, but the city is wearing on me, slowly.
City update for the sake of me getting thoughts out of my head:
I’m tired. I didn’t sleep last night and I’m having trouble sleweping now. The day was really uneventful today. I wanted to go to the beach, but my cousin stole the car and when he came back everyone was so mad no one wanted to go anywhere. Now it’s awkward.
The plan was to be here for three weeks. Now my mom is assuming 4 to 5 weeks. Im pretty sure my grandma wants us to stay though. She keepa trying to get me to get a job, and keeps telling me about the cheep places i could live there. I do not want to live here.
I miss my dog. She’s at friend of the the family’s place right now. My grandma got a puppy and kitten just before i got here. I like pets don’t get me wrong, but i want my dog
On the bright side, i actually made it a week without falling apart and making a scene. Im sort of proud of how far i came. Not sure if i can last the whole time though. I can feel my anxiety building up. Slowly.