Here is a little levity after all of my harsh arguing.
THE CHOSEN ONE The cyclops alien surgeon closed his forehead eye, and sighed
through his two mouths. He was preparing to close the female alien’s
skull after a gruelling one hour brain transplant. He had performed this
operation about a million times in his sixty five million years but this
was the first Earthling brain he’d transplanted. His three soft, long
arms and their milky-coloured hands held the needle, the stitcher and
the shaggy wig.
“Are you going to close now?” asked his tall assistant.
“Of course! Here, hold this wig,” the doctor said to his assistant.
“I’ve only got three hands, you know. Grab a brain, will you?” He
watched as the assistant turned towards the organ freezer in the
operating room. But the doctor, frustrated, told him that he was only
“Oh, like double talk!” said the aid, licking his four lips.
“No!” answered the doctor, as the aid again stood by the surgeon’s
side. "Boy, you’ve got a couple of big mouths!"
A few moments later the transplant was complete. The once human
male priest was now an alien woman. He was a decocked priest, the doctor
thought with a double smile above his four chins.
“Now to begin the programming,” said the doctor to his aid.
“Great! I’ll get the TV guide and the popcorn!” exclaimed the
doctor’s helper, snorting through his two mouths because he didn’t have
a nose, having had it surgically removed by the doctor years before as a
form of punishment.
“You have no nose for this kind of work. I’ve got my eye on another
assistant, so don’t screw this program up!” The doctor shouted. The aid
then handed the surgeon a needle which he inserted into the woman’s
stomach, to make her feel full so she wouldn’t need to eat or drink for
several years. Cutbacks in medicine, the doctor thought angrily. Then, the
patient awoke a few seconds after the procedure, and the doctor asked her
if she was hungry.
“No,” she said yawning, eyelid fluttering, disoriented.
“That’s a good sign,” the physician said to his patient. Then, as her
eye became focused in the dim light, she screamed at the sight of the
alien faces of the doctor and his helper. She screamed even louder at the
sound of her own voice and the strange way her body felt.
“It’s normal to feel some post-operative discomfort,” the surgeon
informed her, soothing her mind by placing a three-fingered hand on her
forehead. It had an immediate calming effect.
“What do you want of me, and why am I like this?” whispered the
ex-priest, now alien woman.
“My son wanted a priest as a boy-toy. Instead of the other way
around, as it often is on your planet,” said the doctor, as a smaller alien
came into the room,tongues drooling…I awoke. What a nightmare!