The beings are making me anxious

I can’t handle the beings. They told me the woman in the green hat will kill me. They were saying all sorts of random things, repeating what I heard on TV when I tried to distract myself. They were talking while I tried to play chess and do calculus. They’re not talking right this minute but the lady in the green hat thing is scaring me. I’m not so scared I need an ativan, but I’m just thinking about it. I tried to tell them that there is no lady in a green hat, but they just kept going on, saying stuff like “kill her before she kills you.” Like what the heck? No one can get me in my house but there are tricker treaters tonight and they’re making me anxious for several reasons. It’s like a low-grade anxiety. I guess I should be grateful that I’m not panicked and am still functional. I’m sorry guys. I feel like the debbie downer of the forum.

please work with your pdoc and tell him/her what you tell us so you can get your meds fixed…you sound unstable.

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I saw my pdoc today. She added lithium. She didn’t want to change my AP. I am better than I was. I am trying to accept that I really am psychotic. So that means the lady in the green hat wanting to kill me is a delusion. Why am I still anxious about it then? If I see some lady in a green hat I might just flip out. The beings are liars. They lie so much. No one’s going to kill me. I’m still worried. This is so stupid. I’m frustrated.

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you’re just unstable…no one in a green hat is going to kill you…damn the voices…ignore them they will just lie to you.

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It’s difficult to ignore them. I am trying to tell myself that they’re lying. I am psychotic. I can’t convince myself that the beings aren’t real. I suck.

If you are psychotic, you should increase dose. Why didn’t you tell your pdoc?

I told my pdoc that I was experiencing more beings but I am at the highest dose of geodon. She gave me lithium again. They think I have more beings because I got stressed when my mom went on her business trip. Stress makes the beings more prominent. The only thing is the beings themselves are making me stressed and so is my grandpa.

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Yes stress makes them worse. I know.
So now how many beings do you hear?

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Well I don’t know. There are a lot. They come from a pool of consciousness. Different beings will say things at different times, sometimes with one voice and sometimes with many different voices. The seed contains the beings and the beings send me thoughts. That’s part of my theory. I’m don’t think that part is a delusion though.

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Oh yes it’s a complex delusion. Maybe bizarre, as it is extremely unlikely

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I have a bizarre delusion about captain beefheart’s mustache intertwined with my brain neurons. Haha

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The beings sometimes lie and when I believe their lies it’s a delusion but my theory itself is not a delusion I don’t think.

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A pdoc would say it’s all delusion.
What makes you think it’s true?

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I’m sorry about your delusion about the mustache. Delusions are hard to overcome. I have a delusion about a lady in a green hat coming to kill me because that’s what the beings told me but I’m not 100% sure they are lying. About my theory, I came up with it based on what I was/am experiencing. Because it is based on my experiences I think it’s true. It is based on my experiences, a little bit of what the beings told me, and my revelations. It makes sense to me.

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And I have another somewhat bizarre delusion that aliens spy on me and read my mind because I am the greatest Buddha of this era

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That sounds scary. I don’t think there’s anyone spying on you or reading your thoughts. I know what it’s like to feel special though. Sometimes it feels awesome but sometimes it sucks ass. Sometimes it makes me happy and excited, sometimes it makes me paranoid, and sometimes it makes me feel guilty and anxious or depressed.

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You’re right. Do you have moments of grandeur and glory?

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I don’t know what you mean. Like moments where I get really excited to feel special? Yeah I do.

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Like feeling invincible, glorious, majestic on special mission

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I don’t often feel invincible but I do sometimes feel glorious and I do often feel like I am on a special mission. I feel like I have to save the world by killing myself, but I am scared of dying. I am conflicted because on one hand I figure if the lady in the green hat is real then she’ll take care of it for me so I don’t have to kill myself but I’m also scared and I don’t want her to get me. But also the lady in the green hat might not be real. I’ll see if I see her.

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