That 'outsider' feeling

Like others who struggle with f2f contact I use forums a lot . The feeling is growing, not just here but on forums generally, that I’m an outsider. It’s getting to the point now where I’m seriously questioning whether forum participation is worth it. That feeling is driven by a current and historical lack of responses to my posts. Whether off or online I’m a social failure. A societal reject… The temptation is to quit all forums. I certainly would not be one of those about whom 10 page threads entitled ‘where’s x gone?’ would be created.

I have always tended to be somewhat asocial and experience has heightened that feeling. It boils down to ‘Why make the effort?’


Sometimes my threads get many hits…other times they just flop.

Lots of different folks here who are absorbed in their own afflictions, and just give cursory views to others.

I’ve always liked your style. I hope you stay with this forum. You’ve always been a solid contributor.


What would stopping your forum participation do to your life? I wouldn’t read too much into responses on a mentally ill forum. They can be hit or miss and we’ve all got issues…that isn’t your problem or fault it’s just how things are…

I think you do some great work around here and that should be commended. Whether you get any traction off that is a another story. I too think you contribute to this space so would hope you continue.


y and DNA

This is going to sound pathetic, but it’s the truth. The internet is a huge part of my life, even more so since Covid. Internet + TV that’s my daily life summed up… I’d still have the genealogy and DNA forums + FB and Twitter but would take to bed more/watch more TV.

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I’d definitely notice if you stopped coming to this forum @firemonkey and I would miss you and your posts.


You shouldn’t think that. I think everyone appreciates your research and input. It’s extremely valuable.

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More reason to stick around @firemonkey .

I’ve kind of always felt like an outsider in life and online. It’s not a bad thing. I was never the popular kid lol I was the weird one :smile:


Here is my thoughts on the matter. You primarily provide us with highly specialized research. That research might only be relevant to 2 or 3 people on here per topic, and the people who find it relevant might not stumble across it until months after you post it. What you do is very important to the people who are addressed in your research.

You are the one who first found studies linking Lion’s Mane, if I remember. And for 7 or 8 months we all sat on that until finally someone tried it and now it’s one of the most popular and most life-changing supplements for many people. You were the one who first brought news of the link between exposure to childhood trauma and epigenetic changes to DNA, which was a major part of my decision to adopt. You post research about neuroplasticity, and you’re the one who linked to a study that I took part in, during which my hallucinations stopped entirely.

My point is, your posts might not always be popular, but they are frequently very important to at least one person, whether they say it publicly or not. You don’t have the most attention-getting role on the forum, but we would severely suffer in quality without you.


You quit for about a month a couple years ago and there were ABSOLUTELY. “Where has firemonkey gone” threads

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This is one of the first threads that comes up in a targeted search for topics with your name.

That really surprises me, but I stand corrected. I’ve always seen myself as someone far more likely to be respected than liked. To use a political analogy; I’m more Gordon Brown than Tony Blair personality wise.

I think social anxiety (and depression) gets the best of all of us sometimes. It tells us how much other people dislike us and how much we don’t matter. It’s good to let others know when you feel that way, because then they can tell you how much they really do care.

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I’ve struggled to get past the social rejection of the teenage years. It casts a very long shadow.


People always notice when you aren’t posting. A lack of replies doesn’t mean people aren’t reading and noticing.

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I wouldn’t read anything into it. In my own experience it can be hard to get into long and complex texts sometimes. But that has to do with the meds messing me up, it’s not that I’m not interested. I have less concentration and feel heavy in my body and numb in my brain. I admit that I can get discouraged to read if someone posts something very long or complex, but that’s simply because I don’t have the concentration to read through it.

If you feel that you don’t get enough interest you could try to have a small summary with your posts. Maybe breaking it down will make it easier for more people to get into it. Just a thought.

Also I have created my own miniweb so I only have acsess to a small number of internet sites. Many of the links that are posted here are out of reach for me.

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One reason I don’t give a précis/summary is that I’m notoriously bad at doing so. I do try and break my non article posts into small chunks of text as opposed to a long wall of text .


I like the summaries you make. The titles and shadowboxes are usually clear about what the topic is.

If you mean the small snippets- that’s done automatically by the forum software. No brain power or skill required.

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Yeah but my point is, why waste the effort trying to add to what is already done automatically?