i know this is stupid but i had to at least try just to see where i was at 
i convinced myself that i was cured after 3 years of good stability, all of my sz symptoms had gone and i thought that it was time :s after all i was only getting side effects from my meds in the form of sensitive eyes and bloatedness and a few other things,
so i did, i tried to stop i lasted about 1 week and i was full blown sz again, but i had taken precautions and i had told a few people what i was doing so the minute i started to get symptomatic i started back on the meds again.
and thats what i did, i was very worried that i would not get back to that place i was at before i stopped and i had terrible thoughts that i couldn’t go out and make it back to college i wouldn’t see my friends again and everything i had been building up was coming crumbling down, i was going to sell my pets as i couldn’t look after them anymore.
but the doctors i phoned about my worries said i should level out in a couple of days and 3/4 days later i am almost completely back on track.
just remind me never to do that again pls
i feel pretty stupid now really except for losing a bit of weight but i’ll probably put that back on again anyway.
i took an awful chance, i was playing with my life, its not a gamble i would wish on anyone.
if you are stable please remain so, this disease doesn’t just go away, i know this now, i thought it might have cleared up but no.
from now on i am going to tell people i have brain damage maybe because thats what it feels like, self induced brain damage or what not and i realize that there is no getting to the bottom of this, its not psychological its a disease that cannot be cured it can only be treated/managed.
i am just very thankful that i am on a really good med just now, thank god.