Terrible day. What was this for god sake?

I missed all my day. I was feeling bad. I had this kind of state in some evenings but today it was the whole day. It was like I couldn’t stop all my worries about the future. It just made me agitated in a way cause I was experiencing a huge pressure in my head because i couldn’t stop my thoughts about my future. It was just this. Thoughts about my lonely future, about my body (vanity thoughts) and it was all obsessive and not reasonable. I couldn’t stop thinking in a way if you see… and the result is that I was feeling a big pain in my soul and body and I couldn’t do any activity besides watching tv but even this was painful…
am I overthinking? to a point that I cant calm myself? Do you find that my worries are a symptom of hypochondria? I hope so. I need to know that there will be better days. The meds were no help today. I dont even know if they will be a help in the future cause my thinking is bad… I wish though…
am I living too much in my head?
thank you for reading, I am a bit calmer now but tired because of all this improductivity of my day but I still want too much and this is also a killer in my state. I want to get well quickly as possible :frowning: .

when I say vanity, is that I have some bad habits like cleaning badly my pores of my face and I couldn’t stop check the state of my skin for hours. I wasn’t calm… what is this? obsession due to low self confidence? I suffer without realizing it…
pff, this illness is a pain. tell me that I can get better with time please… I am tired of have just some painful feelings instead of some ‘‘normal’’ stable emotions… Plus, when I am obsessed, I am not reasonable I find, I cant think well and calmly…
somebody here who never believed in his well being but the meds helped him though after some time?

and what if I am just a sinner? do I need meds for this? My ex didn’t believe in meds for me for example :confused: . even one of my docs said that ive chosen the bad path in the past. yeah… idk why I am like this… maybe I should have more shame. vanity, jealousy, rage, dumbness, nice…
I hope this will stop soon, I want just to be happy again.

It will stop soon @Anna1


Focus on happy thoughts… people who love you, they do no matter what.

Do you really believe it selene? Should I be patient even though that I am not sure if meds help? I guess I suffer mostly from the negatives… I should lack conscious too in a way but I am fed up of being always low. am I a sinner? its tough to be ill since kid, you know… I still fight the suicidal ideation but I dont want to kill myself. I just want to stop suffer.

These things aren’t because of failings on your part, Anna. It’s brain chemistry.

Perhaps you have some mood symptoms because of your illness, but you definitely don’t seem dumb at all.

We all are sinners. I wouldn’t worry about it too much because everybody falls short in one way or another. Things can get better. Maybe if you found a good movie to watch it would distract you for a while. Try not to awfulize. You can turn ordinary boredom into “existential dread” when you do that kind of thing. Don’t put yourself down.

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ok, thank you crimby. Ill try to not think on my sins. I didn’t care about them before, maybe I am on the way of the reason now, idk… I suffered so much somatically today though… I wish this would stop sooner, not after another ten years… If my meds are working now, they do it without obvious signs though, is this normal? I am as ■■■■■■ up in my head that without them. I think so much that I have this terrible pressure in my head and this kills my emotional life I find.

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Idk… I should recover soon. I cant handle any other years being like this. I am ill since kid folks… My life would be hell if I was diagnosed as kid though I think but its still hard now. I wish meds would help me with my recovery. there are more lucky ones here on that…blame me jealous, blame me bad but I never knew the happiness or the love, really. or the health…