You’re welcome.
The post was made in reply to SnowyOwl1 but the post is also applicable to you as the author of this thread. Hope that you wouldn’t mind.
2 Likes
I am so freaking glad I gained consciousness over my delusions. It changed everything for me, developing reality check skills and whatnot. I think the worst religious one I ever had started around the same time the hallucinated demonic sexual abuse was worst.
Basically God told me that there was an evil entity (the devil) who was trying to take me. I didn’t understand why, only that I was in grave danger and it was very serious. Went on for about a year. I was told that if I was alone I would be taken to hell. Every other night I was sleeping in my brother’s bed with him because I was so scared. Any nights I didn’t sleep with him I was up all night anyways terrified because the demons were everywhere. I had nightmares where I was fighting them. I also believed there were 12 human spirits in my room trapped by the demons.
I made sure I was never alone, ever. I believed that the clouds were the devil’s agents, and if I let myself be alone outside the clouds were going to come down and take me away. I was on swim team and watched them the entire time as I swam to make sure they didn’t descend.
I communicated with God and the devil through telepathy and the clouds, which they would use to write messages to me. I’d see my name in them, or messages like “I love you,” “I’m coming” etc. I believed that every time there was a storm, it was because the devil was close to finding my location, so God would make horrible storms to throw him off. I would be so scared during storms because I knew the devil was close. One time after a storm I saw the clouds take the shape of the devil, pushing apart the other storm clouds to look for me. I closed my blinds and hid until the clouds all dispersed.
I involved one of my more spiritual friends in the matter because I felt like she would understand and she did. She helped me put salt and oil around my windows and door to keep the demons out. I splashed holy water around the room regularly, and crossed myself with it every night. I said Hail Marys every night. On nights I was alone I would stay up the entire night reading the same damn bible verses about protection over and over and over out loud because I thought it was the only thing keeping me safe.
My friend started having a run of bad luck and I told her it was because the heavenly council was angry that I had told her what was going on, and now they wanted her dead. She started getting really scared and cut off contact with me for some time, pretending she had forgotten everything. The heavenly council were against God and wanted to marry me to the devil to create peace between them, but God was against it.
I asked God what the devil wanted with me and God said I was the next messiah, sort of like a younger sibling to Jesus. I had been born in secret in Heaven and then ended up on Earth through foul play. The devil had found out about me and now wanted to drag me to hell and rape me so that I would give birth to a half-God half devil child that would become the anti-Christ and end the world.
My friend came back and I asked her to come over all the time and stay with me. Everywhere out of the corner of my eyes I’d see the devil and I’d sworn he’d found me and told her that if she left me alone I would be taken to Hell. She was so scared, I feel so awful for putting her through that, but I genuinely believed she was the only one keeping me safe.
Finally after some time passed and I hadn’t been taken my friend started to question things. I was confused myself and asked God what was up and how I hadn’t been taken yet when there were definitely times I had been stuck alone. He said it was because I was on my period, and the devil was waiting until I was off it to claim me. I told my friend this but her doubts continued to grow until she told me she thought I needed help.
I freaked out and was worried she was going to tell everyone I was crazy. My period passed and I still wasn’t kidnapped. I was horribly confused, relieved yes, but so so confused. That’s when I started questioning everything I had experienced over my entire lifetime. After a while, and after taking my first psychology class, I would realize that I was dealing with psychosis and start developing coping mechanisms.
But geez, what a freaking ride that was. It was horrifying, but at least there was never a dull moment in life.
I find delusions fascinating. I definitely want to research them more as I get older.
5 Likes
Glad you gained insight
Sounds similar to my first episode with the demons and cloud messages etc.
Delusions are interesting as long as nobody harms any innocent people
3 Likes
I took a class on religion, and I can confirm that the bible neeeever mentions hell. Ever. In the Old Testament anyways. Hell was a concept that developed separately from the bible back during times of medieval Christianity, because Christians were being heavily persecuted and needed to feel like the wicked would be punished because of it.
In the bible hell is mentioned once by Jesus, who only speaks of it as a metaphor while trying to explain morality to people.
I’m not commenting on whether they exist or not, just pointing out that the bible never says anything about Hell, or even the devil.
3 Likes
lolol yup , barnacles load of barnacles
1 Like
Yeah i went to church with my family tonight.
I was actually quite uncomfortable with the preacher. That ■■■■ still hits too close to the chest.
Man they showed this graphic video of Jesus dying and all bloody and casting out demons. And kids are at this watching it… no wonder we go crazy…indoctrinated from the beginning ughh
The positive of church on a night like today is that you can see a big group of people that just need hope in there life. So that felt nice as a community vibe
i have to disagree, i dont even think about religion. its all garble… i just went to church tonight to make my parents happy. christmas eve tradition…
but yeah the experience is what it is … an experience
yeah i know what your saying,
i basically detached myself from any religion beliefs.
I learned i dont need it though, ive decided to just look at life as a big learning experience good or bad . and that it is just an adventure and to enjoy it while im here. easier said than done though lol
i have peace of mind knowing im trying my best. and if there is such thing as a god ill be damned if he doesnt respect that. and then he can go ■■■■ himself if he doesnt ha ha
1 Like
itll take time man, i slowly started detaching from the religious stuff about 2 years ago and this year ive been working on just developing my own identity.
because when your heavily invested in a religion that ends up being a big part of your identity
see i used to find peace knowing id be doing things for the after life the eternal life . now that is gone and I need to learn how to have peace knowing I can be doing things for this life I am in right now. putting myself first, others second
1 Like
SnowyOwl I did the same thing with my religious objects. I ripped each page out of my bible one by one. Then I threw all my crosses and catholic books out.
1 Like