Taking a hit off a cigarette was similar to a beating

from my Dad. Both left me numb. I turned around and beat my cat when I was a kid. No conscience about it. It’s a part of my reflexes toward children ,but controllable thank G.

There was a phase where I was also not nice to cats, kittens, specifically.

I do not know why it gave me a thrill.

Seeing kittens feeling annoyed.

I think it’s because life isn’t easy for kids and watching our pets’ lives being so easy makes us act out.

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Idk…

I honestly am puzzled by that nature.

Even today, I could imagine feeling a small thrill from pulling a cat’s tail.

I would not do it cos the cat has feelings.

But I’m just saying.

It’s like I have something evil in me… Idk…

There’s a little of the sadist in anyone. I wouldn’t belabor the point.

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