Schizophrenia.com

Sz has taken so much

I was attacked and tormented by demons starting at the age of 12-13. I became (admittedly) fanatically religious. I started hurting myself and by 14 I was seriously suicidal. I isolated, couldn’t sleep, missed so much school that I honestly have no idea how I graduated. Friendships and all relationships are difficult at best. I didn’t continue my education. Even art college was too overwhelming for me. I work in a minimally challenging job that pays minimally as well. I have been at poverty level my entire adult life. But then there are the angels who have accompanied me all these years. They protect and inspire me. I could not paint what I paint without them. There are still demons too and I still have suicidal ideation and self harm, but not as often. The angels make it all worthwhile. I would and have given up so much to see them, to hear them and feel them. If I lost all else, even if I lost my life finally, I would not trade having seen and experienced what I have and still do… So, this sz that takes so much has also given to me. The lens that makes it difficult to see “reality” at times has given me sight to see the “unreal” and today I would not trade.

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Moved to Unusual Beliefs.

Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat)

This was very deep but also beautiful in ways. You are right how it both gives and takes but seems to be worse when taking. I think it takes time to see what has been given. I am yet to completely see it but will be patient for it.

Take care.

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Me too, I think. I’ve fought to gain what sz has given me. Maybe it’s 50 - 50. No angels though -

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