got the voices somewhat tolerable, daily hygiene and leaving the house is bare minimum, but happening, and word salad/clanging is in check. so what happens? now the negative symptoms are rearing their ugly heads. it’s like, the second one thing is sorta managed, something else rises up to take its place as dominating me. just pass me around. they just take turns with me or something. do you know what i mean?
it’s like some horrible carnival game where the second you subdue something one of the other things comes to the fore. without the prize at the end. i feel like i’ll never get them all at once so i can breathe for a minute. i don’t know if it’s that they’re all always there and no balance between the three? or if it literally is robbing peter to pay paul and so keeping one together necessarily means another is let run amok. i don’t know if this means i must pick the least of all the evils. i thought that’s what taking medication willfully was? i’m finally doing all of that and it’s still years of just symptom go round. this is utter crap.
uh, yeah.
and in the end what does one get for staying so long?
I hope to never find out.
Believe me, the best has passed and this struggle isn’t worth the trouble.
do you mean antipsychotics or all? well, i’m down to four so not too hard to list all.
haldol depot (court ordered and of the four depot i’ve taken, haldol is by far the best with least side effects)
zyprexa zydis (formal thought disorder and keeps out the thought manipulation. i also have no weight gain from it, even taking for multiple years, which is unusual, but i think indicates it’s suited to work well)
ativan (catatonia)
cogentin (eps problems)
i’d love to blame the medication, believe me, i really REALLY would, but these problems predated taking any of them and get worse without them. catch 22
I’m new to this support group thing about SZ. I read your story etre, and thats rough friend.Look on the bright side of things.
As for myself as symptoms go, I hear popping or a snapping or knocking noises,…like something that caught my attention. Ringing in my ear’s either left or right. some times paranoia sets in and my mind goes off on some random tangent. As I was typing this the snaps went off, think of it as being at the bottom of a pool. When you here snapping noises echo thats what its like.
i’m not entirely sure what the bright side is, but cheers for reading. sorry to hear that your symptoms are plaguing you. snapping would have me more on edge than i already am. sounds quite unpleasant. i don’t like sudden knocking either.
hope you’re feeling better soon. and welcome. take care