This has been one swinging morning. Which is throwing me. One minute I’m feeling great, then I’m shaky, then I’m feeling confident that it will all be Ok, then I’m swinging into negative/ catastrophic thinking. I’m working on leveling it out.
I slept without sleep walking. My sis fixed me a good breakfast, I’ve taken my meds. The temp is cooler today. This seems to be hitting me out of the blue.
I do think a bit of it is triggered by a very heartfelt letter my sis left me. She’s trying to reassure me that just because she turn’s 18, she’ll still be the “Q” to my J.Bond. The dynamic duo will still be in the bat cave. It was very emotional for me.
I do have an appointment with my therapist today. That will help. Last time I swung like this I was on drugs and drinking like a fish. Feeling this… while clean and sober feels like there is something kicking my head around.
I know the danger of self diagnosis, I’m not going to do that. But I am deeply beginning to feel that my label is changing.
The hyper spikes, the emotional swings… when for ages I felt nothing.
I’ve been supper gabby too… not my nature. My sis has it all journaled out and the preservation team knows about this hyper spike motor mouth that has been happening.
My sis asked a question that stomped me cold last night. I asked her to come with me for a long swim, and a long walk, which turned into a run. But then we did another swim, and I felt like going for another walk and she asked… If I was training for a marathon and didn’t tell her, or did I have that much energy to burn.
This is feeling odd since just a few weeks ago she was using all her tricks to pull me out of bed. This last week, I’ve been up long before her. I am keeping track. It’s just I like emotional consistency and I understand that we humans have a bit of swing. I’m sure it happens to everyone.
But this is more like a hyper swing.