Swinging and Questioning

This has been one swinging morning. Which is throwing me. One minute I’m feeling great, then I’m shaky, then I’m feeling confident that it will all be Ok, then I’m swinging into negative/ catastrophic thinking. I’m working on leveling it out.

I slept without sleep walking. My sis fixed me a good breakfast, I’ve taken my meds. The temp is cooler today. This seems to be hitting me out of the blue.

I do think a bit of it is triggered by a very heartfelt letter my sis left me. She’s trying to reassure me that just because she turn’s 18, she’ll still be the “Q” to my J.Bond. The dynamic duo will still be in the bat cave. It was very emotional for me.

I do have an appointment with my therapist today. That will help. Last time I swung like this I was on drugs and drinking like a fish. Feeling this… while clean and sober feels like there is something kicking my head around.

I know the danger of self diagnosis, I’m not going to do that. But I am deeply beginning to feel that my label is changing.

The hyper spikes, the emotional swings… when for ages I felt nothing.
I’ve been supper gabby too… not my nature. My sis has it all journaled out and the preservation team knows about this hyper spike motor mouth that has been happening.

My sis asked a question that stomped me cold last night. I asked her to come with me for a long swim, and a long walk, which turned into a run. But then we did another swim, and I felt like going for another walk and she asked… If I was training for a marathon and didn’t tell her, or did I have that much energy to burn.

This is feeling odd since just a few weeks ago she was using all her tricks to pull me out of bed. This last week, I’ve been up long before her. I am keeping track. It’s just I like emotional consistency and I understand that we humans have a bit of swing. I’m sure it happens to everyone.

But this is more like a hyper swing.


Hey J - I do the same thing, especially lately, it has calmed down a bit, but I still cycle from one mood state to another rapidly but I also have bipolar, a mood disorder. On top of my Risperdal I am on a mood stabilizer - Lamictal, and going to be on another milder mood stabilizer - Neurontin. Maybe you can keep your pdoc updated and tell him about your mood shifts - hope you feel more anchored soon


I’m sorry you are feeling like this. At least you’re doing something healthy to burn it off. When we lowered the Seroquel I was having mood swings, but not as quick as you. At one point I seriously thought I was enlightened, a Buddha, and what I was posting on Facebook would contain so much truth it would change people’s lives. People would later write books about my life. I’m rather embarrassed to admit this as I’m usually pretty humble, in my head anyway. I was also staying up all night trying to figure out everything in my life. My head would not stop. Later I would feel so hopeless I thought “maybe suicide is a good idea.” Since increasing my Seroquel I haven’t had any problems. Mental illness is rough. Maybe for right now you need more Seroquel or to add on a mood stabilizer. Talk to your doc. Maybe there’s something about your sister becoming an adult that scares you, maybe that she will start a new life that doesn’t include you. Talk it out with your therapist. Hang in there! :sunny:


I’m really glad that you’re seeing your therapist today. It will probably help a lot to talk through this and maybe get some advice on how to manage your hyper spikes.

I don’t diagnose either, but from what you’ve told us, I think it would be a good idea to also talk with your pdoc very soon. It raises red flags when you say you haven’t felt this way since you were using. I think that’s something significant that your doc needs to know about.

I’m sending peaceful energy your way, and hope you stabilize very soon.




i am feeling odd at the moment too, it is a full moon, i’m turning into a werewolf.
i was triggered by a post that some one made…i wasn’t happy…
your sister turning 18 is a big thing, we sz i find don’t like change, remember it is just a number.
the next morning after she turns 18 , have a good look at her, i think you will find your kidsister will still look the same…
then you can both go to the bat cave and get into the batman mobile and get a great coffee !?!
take care


I’m sorry you’re feeling odd. It wasn’t a post I made that triggered you, was it? I wondered about posting the faith I follow. I just want to share what’s helped me. :sunny:


no it was not any post of yours it actually was daydreamer about delusions…
i follow a buddhist mentality…when i am not being a werewolf !?!
you are a kind and caring person, i would never think bad of you.
take care


Thank you darksith. Yeah I know what you mean about that post. Oh well. Shake it off. Stay away from the silver bullets tonight! :sunny:


i’ll go howl at the moon…lol
take care


The ONLY reason why I slightly smile at this is because I too though that I was going to become a Zen master and people would seek me out to learn about it and turn their lives around. I’m glad I was able to get out of that one too.

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It’s a tricky one because the Buddhism I practice does say you can reach a life condition of Buddhahood, but only with chanting which I haven’t done much recently. It’s so weird, last night I kept telling myself it’s just not true but then my head would come up with “yeah but consider this.” Narcissism and egocentricity are my two biggest pet peeves so this delusion bothers me. How did you come to realize you’re not a Zen master? :sunny:

Mine too. Hard core braggers really upset me. I find them to be overly aggressive and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I hate to say it, but this one likes to creep in around the edges. My sis got me so many books on Buddhism and we would go to the Temples when they had a community event or an out reach and seeing how they lived and what they knew, and realizing with help what I didn’t know… it started to let go.

It comes back at time, but again… my sis has told me that with enough study and practice it could happen someday, but I’m not one yet… she said I’m too young to be a Zen master. That most Zen masters have masted a long life. So you have to be older to be one. That sort of helped break me out of being a Zen master at 25.


I just wanted to add that its pretty great that you are able to recognize the mood swings and keep track of them. That is a pretty big achievement and something to take note of. Continue to track them and bring your notes with you when you see your therapist or pdoc so you can go over it together.