If I hear my therapist one more time say I put myself down too much when all I’m trying to do is embrace the real situation I am in and solve it, I, well, I"ll leave her and go hire a career coach instead. What do you think?? desimb
I wish I could find a counselor who would say such a thing to me. But I think I know where your coming from. You have real problems that you wish to solve, and saying that just sort of dismisses them. Maybe you could try to find another therapist. Finding a good therapist is a difficult task, from my experience. I just tried a new one who said to me, when I described my intrusive thoughts to her, “That’s not normal!” I am not going to go to her anymore.
Reality does what a therapist could never do- slaps you right in the face with the truth.
Therapists are good when you can’t understand why you got slapped. But do they?
Self criticism can be harmful on occasion. Do you mind if I ask when she says this to you? There is a difference between saying “I did something today that made me feel _____.” and “I am _____ because I did this.” You can own an action without making it who you are. You can embrace a situation without putting yourself down. Is it possible that this is what she is telling you?
My councilor tells me this all the time. I’m too hard on my self. Sometimes I’m too negative about myself. Some of the phrases I used even the other day to “put myself down” she brought to my attention as phrases I used in a suicide letter I posted to her when I did almost succeed in suicide. (she still has my suicide letters and looks out of certain waves on self-negativity.)
Self hate and self negativity can bring you right to self destruction. I try not to mess with that monster in the box, but man, the hindsight guilt eats me alive.
I know I sometimes think “Oh man, there is this cat in my apartment that isn’t real and this is the most important thing ever…” She’ll say, “Lets put the imaginary cat on the back burner for now and address this huge swath of self-negativity.” She want’s to weed it out when it’s just self-negativity and not let me build it to self hate and depression and then suicide.
When I’m down on myself, It’s easy for me to talk myself into a state of helplessness. “I better not try that… I’m too damaged, too stupid, too far behind to give anything a try. I better just sit in bed and cry some more and let my sis take care of the rest of life.”
NO! It’s time to kick that self-downer away from me.
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Most people who become therapist don’t have the mentality for it. Like white collar people that never been through very hard times so they can’t relate. Which gives them poor insight. Or therapist that want to be looked up to by the client. And in turn look down on the client. Or people who believe think if they where in anyone else’s shoes they could easily over come the problems. Think the client is lazy and whining. Or therapist that haven’t over come their own issues, such as with certain personality disorders. But there are good ones just not enough of them.
i am quite lucky. i really really like my therapist.
off the topic, however, i read that us with sz tend to die about 15 years earlier than the rest due they say to lack of medical attention to physical issues.
scary, no?
i want to live…
judy
I’m sorry but I have to ask. How do you know that a therapist has not gone through hard times? Does anyone ask their therapist how they are or what motivated them to become one in the first place? Their answers may surprise you.
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I use to be a therapist. And got to know a lot of the students and worked with a lot of therapist. Often the ones that where pricy where at a loss talking to people living a rough life. Over 50% of people who become therapist only last a few years before changing their career.
I have to admit, I had to get to know her a bit to realize what took her on that path. I didn’t ask until about three years ago. Your right… her answer did surprise me.
When I first met her, I was a young man and she had cool hair and nice smile. She told me she liked longboards and Body Glove. (a surfer girl with cool hair and a nice smile and toe ring…)
But I think I’ve grown up a bit under her care. It sure does help that she knows my whole family. So when I do rant “My sister is trying to kill me…” she can raise her eyebrow and say… “really J? Really?” Then I have to admit, that no… my sister isn’t trying to off me, but she is making me sad sometimes.
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Anxiety is a thing always looking for excuses. “This is my predicament. This is why.” It makes simple things complicated.
The most surprising thing about anxiety and stress and self criticism is that its not true.
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I think some of the anxiety can be due to not facing the sz reality. making the best of the situation instead of constantly trying to be “normal” is kind of relaxing. it is like saying heck I can’t so i’ll do what I can to make it better. it resolves something somehow and the anxiety maybe subsides from it.
am I wrong?
judy
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I can’t beleive I was thinking like this a few days ago. My therapist is a nice almost 70 year old lady who has never meant me any harm. But the insights you gave me helped alot. I guess it is what it is.