Struggling a lot despite seeming perfectly fine

warning this thread might be upsetting/triggering

no one wants to talk no one cares what im thinking—im just shut out. Im putting on a smile for all the socialites but I have no friends and I want the pain to stop. the more I reach out the more I feel like Im 3 years old drowning in the deep end just pushing against a wall i cant grab onto

I have been clean from tobacco/smoke and anything psychoactive for several months. This is the longest I have been smoke free since I began smoking actually. I dont feel like the same person. I am a new me. I notice things more, and I am more sensitive.