Strong Bipolar Tendencies

I am currently Diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, but I have always had prominent Bipolar symptoms.
I basically experience Mixed and Manic episodes and always do better with Mood stabilizers.

Anyone else have strong bipolar tendencies?

My diagnosis for years in the past, has been Bipolar Disorder.

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I think theres a lot of bipolar in me. Also a ■■■■ ton of psychosis ive had. But right now I’m struggling with the bi-polar I believe. The manic/grandiosity. I’m not hearing voices, but I have delusions, my moods swing a lot. Right now I am very excited and full of energy. Trying to get on a mood stabilizer but pdoc is now soon headed to south Carolina. I have an apt on the 28th though so I guess ill have to wait as its not urgent enough to seek other options. I’m just scared of losing insight and refusing to change meds once I get too grandiose during the next 10 days…and then I will crash and kill myself. well that’s my worst nightmare, I know I wont kill myself but I said that its a slight risk when I get depressed and that was urgent enough for the therapist to say I need to get on meds now. But my pdoc never called me back to squeeze me in. Oh well.

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My past diagnosis was BP mixed state. (now sza bp) I think I lean more to bipolar. I still get very strong euphoria but if I was un-medication I would be on the roof, literally! But then I become very delusional outside the mood thing.

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i’m also scared of losing insight. I was recently delusional, I thought people who look at me a certain way where my disciples and I was the chosen one (that is a long hold delusion of mine) I told my case worker I was 95% certain of it but 5% hold me back. Basically it was that 5% that let me have a increase in my depot and stopped me getting hospitalised. If it got to the state where I totally lacked insight I would be in hospital now being forcible injected.

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Youre not alone man in the chosen one belief, Its my main struggle, ive believed it in one form or another since I was 20. Its really tough to live with. Ive heard its a bi-polar thing, also heard its a schizophrenia thing. I’m schizoaffective so I toss it up as both.

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Do you find your delusions creep up on you and become very obsessional?

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I become very obsessional especially during psychosis.

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They come in many different forms. Sometimes they do creep up on me and I do become obsessed with it. Sometimes I try to live like an “enlightened man” but I fail in being enlightened by “trying to be” ‘enlightened’. There’s really no way to predict my delusions. I’m hoping Depakote will help it. maybe might raise abilify to 20 mg as well.

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I have this thing where I think I’m faking it. I feel like a fake. I asked my case worker that when I became stable again and she said it was something called ‘‘neologism’’ my pdoc told her that gave it away that I was actually psychotic and that is hard to fake, that make me feel better.

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enlightened Lol. Before I had my disability benefits taken off me (they said I lacked capacity and was a risk to myself so social services took control of my money to stop me going to india) I was going to Vanasi in India to bath in the Ganges to cleanse my soul and become the chosen one.

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oh man I wanted to go to Cambodia when I was 22!!! I told this girl who had no interest in me (she was my vocational therapist and engaged) I said “We need to get married and go to Cambodia to become a monk and become enlightened!!!”

But damn it she said no I wonder why

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I spent 4 months in Goa, India when I was 22 trying to find enlightenment. lol

I think my obsession comes from my early experiences with India. My whole psychotic illness revolves around it.

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I was bipolar with mixed states and mania and depression before all the sz symptoms came and I got dx sza. I was actually able to be successful professionally with just the bipolar but sz just knocked me out. Talk about not knowing where you’re going to be in 5 years

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I’m not not manic!!!

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I wouldn’t like to say ‘strong’ but I was on lithium for 20 years and tegretol for 2-3. Mood swings are listed as a symptom.
From about 1983-2005 I was variously dxed schizoaffective mixed type or bipolar.
When they took me off meds for a year and then I had to go back on my pdoc wouldn’t put me on a stand alone AD because of the possible effects on my moods.
I would say my moods are quite stable now with a slight tendency towards depression.
How much this is a good indication of a lack of bipolarity or that the atypical antipsychotic is doing a good job with the mood swings is anyone’s guess.

The nearest I get to bipolar type thinking nowadays is to veer from thinking “Boy ,am I stupid” to “Boy, are other people stupid” .

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I’m the strongest mfr in the world! crushes a car

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@anon1571434 turns a bus into smoldered ash and sulfur after he incenerates and crushes It with his bear…errrr I mean Godzilla hands.

He makes a hummer look like a saltine cracker just crumblin… :wink: :joy:

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This is what I look like in real life.

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I also feel sometimes as the highest Buddha of this era. I feel omnipotent & omniscient. my body is filled with glory. everyone glorifies me.

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because you try you dont find.
it’s not something to be found.
it’s already here. never came or left.
always here unnoticed.

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