Schizophrenia.com

Stress and struggle

#1

I’ve been . . . busy for four and a half years, and slacking off for the last three weeks. I have the world’s worst case of cabin fever. I dropped off an application for volunteer work a week ago and I’m getting ready to hop in the shower then make a call to follow up on it, Does anyone have any advice for getting over agoraphobia? I mean, other than getting a cup of coffee and going to the park – who wants to do that? I know it’s just a matter of forcing yourself to do things, at least on some level, but I’m looking for a magic bullet too. I’m 37 and my dad’s health is failing. He’s 70. My mother has Alzheimer’s and will probably be in a nursing home in the next year. It’s very frightening, the idea of being essentially all on my own soon. I don’t know how to cope with the death of my father. He’s been a rock through all this, through what recovery I’ve made. Even my psychiatrist of 15 years is approaching retirement. He does my therapy too and I’m scared of losing him. I’m not on good terms with my brother. I have an aunt that gives a damn, but little else. I f—ing refuse to spend the last 30 or 35 years of my life cooped up in a paid-off condo, doing nothing with my life. I’m more content than I imagined possible when the symptoms first started but I just can’t.

I know all this reeks of “Save me, save me, save me.” There’s no one. I lost all my online friends to a three-year online-relationship-type thing that nothing came of. I’m lonely and the walls, the damned walls are killing me. I have no one to talk to about this, no one to turn to for genuine kindness. And every night the hallucinations come, My shrink tells me he can’t medicate me more thoroughly without keeping me in bed. It’s stress, I know. He gives me 40mg of Dexedrine a day and if I take a half dose, I spend the day on the sofa. It’s as though I’m struggling to find a hook to hang something on. Not blame or shame, though maybe those too, but an entire life. I try to do what seems prudent, and it’s all a mess. None of it’s what I want, none of it brings me what I want. I’m building the foundation for a future that’s too far removed for me to guess it’s shape.

Thank you for giving me a place to post this. I have too much pride to tell anyone, and I couldn’t bear the letdown of a reply that didn’t even seem responsive. You’re a bunch of strangers these days – I haven’t been here for two or three years – so I don’t expect much. Besides, what can anyone do? “I cannot lift your burden. Let me make it easier to bear for ten minutes.” At least you understand what it means to have a life defined by one word: struggle.

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#2

I just wanted to respond and say I’ve been there as far as the head circus amping up at night when I’m alone, and the cabin fever.

I don’t know what to do about the agoraphobia since I’m Ok with open space and I feel better being part of a faceless throng. I hate malls and out of control crowds, but who doesn’t.

I might suggest getting your current psychiatrist to help you find a new person before he retires so you have as seamless transition as possible.

If your looking for some outreach, some conversation and just some sign that we’re out here, and we’ll listen and help when we can… you’ve come to a good place.

Don’t sell yourself or people short. As you read on here… there are a few of us who did reach out and got surprised by kindness and amazing amounts of understanding. Just feel the situation out before you let new people know. I’m an odd duck I know. I just blab it out there. But that’s just me.

So, welcome back to the forum. I just wanted to say, your post is not ignored. Nice to meet you.

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#3

Hi ChestRockwell,

I don’t have any great advice but just wanted to say I hope things will come together for you soon. Some type of therapy might be a good option. I see my son being in your same circumstance in the coming years. He is 25 now.

I think it’s great that you are volunteering and following up. You never know what doors this might open up!

Hang in there and keep plugging – things do have a way of working out:)

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#4

Welcome back to the forums. We have this new forum software - so you can access it easily from a smartphone (if you have one) or a computer - so its easier to get to now.

Everyone gets lonely sometimes - this is a good place to participate and find some new friends. Online friends are better than no friends - and everyone here can relate to challenges you have.

Anyway - great to see you again.

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#5

Hi Chest, it’s good to hear from you again. It sounds like you are fighting for your mental health and are doing some positive things to address issues and to find ways to get connected with your life and overcoming to stressors in your life.find some support here and and gain the confidence to get connected in the outside world. My daughter has agoraphobia and so I know what kind of a hell it is. All the best to you. If you fling enough crap at a wall,some of it is bound to stick.

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#6

hi your not alone mate, lots of us have cabin fever i just want a cabin in the woods and my own world LOL

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#7

thought i would say hi
take care

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#8

The only thing that doesn’t change is the fact that there is change. Do you have any siblings?

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