Diagnosed SzA have a constant feeling that my actions,feelings,thoughts,streams of conciousness are being monitored or even televised/broadcasted somehow online as if im someone of some kind of future significance. Imperratively outwardly telepathic can’t go out in public or restaurants without people conversing with inner monologue or “presentation” I create to keep my mind on balance and to avoid intrusive thoughts or thoughts I feel would be offensive to those that experience them. Strong stigma from many in the community disparaging looks and comments. Feel the need to explain mentally things I think when people either seriously are or even might just be acting like they’re confused about what they’re experiencing. Hyperawareness OCD symptoms with a delisional propensity to create a completely harmonious environment around me when going out in public. Childhood mishandling along with my large “ogre”-like stature create a great OCD like fear that I am looked upon as someone who would have the capability of consciousness of taking advantage of a child (more scared of kids than they would be of me because I’m scared that they’re scared but really they’re probably just thinking I look weird kinda always get the fierce look). My vacation that I just came back from led me to think OCD could be a valid diagnosis strange intrusive thoughts of child rape and “nimble body”, the whole time I just wanted to vape. Not the privatest of environments right in front of a pool with at least 10 kids in it the whole day with to my calculations feigned reactions from parents like “oh my God did you hear that he just said…” as if I said it or it wasn’t perfectly obvious to anyone there that I was indeed having intrusive thoughts. Needless to say the experience was destined and necessary to discover OCD as a possible co diagnosis to my SzA. Given a very large metallic looking injection at the San Antonio Haven For Hope April 2009 taken to the hospital the next day drained a ton of my blood took urine sample. Years later I feel like Iron Man with my thoughts vibes energies emotions somehow uncontrollably dispersed throughout my environment and felt by people inhabiting my surroundings almost somehow radioactively. Not sure if my case is parapsychologicol psychological or paranormal in nature. Any thoughts?
Welcome to the forum. Are you taking any medication ?
Thanks! yes invega Sestena depakote kolonzapan resperadone among other non psychiatric medications
Welcome @Greg_Mora84! 
Thank you Wave!
It’s thought broadcasting. What you described is like exactly what I’m going through.
I think Amyloban 3399 helps. Haven’t tested it fully with public exposure though.
Wishing you the best as you work through your condition. Its the worst kind of intrusion of privacy i cant stand dealing with mine. GL with Amyloban!
I know you must be struggling at times with all those symptoms happening. I hope your meds are controlling them in a great way or you are not caring so much about them. You poor guy I’m so sorry this is happening to you! How long have you been dx’d as sza?
Thank you gobeyond! I just feel its all destined and theres a purpose for it all to advance the greater good in the long run. Yes my medication has been key in my treatment and has kept me very focused and determined to get through it all even have a booster invest Sestena in cases where I may have lapsed or let it all get the best of me and it ordinarily gets me back on track finely. I started off being diagnosed bipolar disorder but for at least the last 10 years I’d say I’ve been rediagnosed and treated SzA. Thanks for your kind words and interaction!
Invest*=invega …autocorrect
I strongly suggest treatment avenues to minimize/cease symptoms. Don’t buy into the “I’m hallucinating for the greater good” delusion, it’s the path to crazytown.
Love your objective, normal, non-hallucinating self and you will eventually get there if you ask the right questions.
I’ll give you an update if my treatment regimen fully ceases thought broadcasting.
Thanks naturallycured! I agree that solely looking at it all as a lost cause or some bizarre form of quality of life martyrdom isn’t quite the most self advocating way of guiding myself through the fog but in the grand scheme of things for me at least thinking of it all as something that I’m going through for a purpose with some positive or progressively advantageous reason for the greater good helps me keep with the concept were all on our own distinct and unique journey. Sometimes we’re probably not all meant to have such a smooth run at life or the obstacles life throws at us
I will begin looking into different treatments and therapies for newly discovered as possibly OCD symptoms as a way of calming down the uproar the frenzy my constant thought broadcast causes the community when I go out and about with regards to intrusive thoughts (a concept whose term I only learned about last night). Thanks for your interaction and guidance naturallycured best wishes!
Your all right @Greg_Mora84. I like your positive attitude. That will take you far. You seem well in the midst of all of it, what you are going through. I’m proud of you. There is a greater good but you don’t have to be a victim. Keep on keeping on and you will feel better and improve.
Thanks so much gobeyond for your kind words! All the same to you as well!
Due to the apparent fact that people think they know what I’m all about in the community just by saying they’ve read this bit of vulnerability I had shared I’ll take the time to clarify further especially regarding the term ‘child rape’ used in the original topic post. First off, yes I would certainly agree it is quite the inflamitory and sensitive concept but I feel the need to unmix things up for those who might be visiting this site or reading my post for nefarious reasons. My intrusive thoughts are not vivid but opaque prompted versions of solely the words (not imagery or images of scenes or the like) such as “rape” or “sex” thought through or sometimes through self-corrected blips in my stream of conciousness in most cases devoid of emotion or maybe with just a quick reflex of realization that it was a quick intrusive tick. As far as kids go I don’t know why I’m quite so nervous around them or intimidated by their feelings as I am I guess it’s bc I don’t know any kids or know anything about the way they think or what interests them. Not necessarily interested in caring to find out either but I can’t seem to figure out why, even considering that there are those severely confused and corrupted enough to engage in inappropriate relations with children,that acting like some holy worshiping protector and task force for these kind of people seems to be some peoples’ favorite front. Maybe its a political/racial issue that truley bears the most proportionate amount of reason for the gung-ho death to pedo’s mindset some people have. I am not by any means saying the deep dark reality of the fact that there are sick people out there who actually do sick things is an alright thing but for those that would judge me for what I encounter within my OCD symptoms and thought broadcasting i weep to my very core at your cold close minded nature and way of upbringing but I choose my awareness of my idiosyncrasies and sense of self worth and strength over your ignorance.
I’d have to agree that people that commit these acts are the most abhorrent condemnable types of people but there is a big difference between an offender and someone that someone might think or strangely even wish upon being an offender. I know it may seem like I’m beating a dead horse but I’m here to stand firm that I’m above discrimination in the form of ignorant suspicion and misplaced guilt by those in the community that simply don’t understand the balance and work for homeostasis that occurs in the mind of a constant thought broadcast SzA with hyperawareness intrusive thought OCD. I demand my dignity.
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