Strange Times

Just had a meeting with both my therapist and my mom…

We talked about schizoaffective and bipolar, how it affects both myself and others with it, and some challenges I face daily.

Overall, I found it helpful, but in some ways actually sitting down and talking about it more in depth with my mom present made the illness seem more “real,” if one can say.

I don’t talk about it with her much— she just sees me go through things and be affected by it every day. So to have another person there kind of explain things was good but also strange.

I dunno, it went fine but also made me realize just how much I have been set back I guess by SZA, and how much I lack general independence in my life because of it.

Still titrating up to an optimal dose of Abilify— just on 5mg at the moment and most likely in the middle of a mixed episode.

Hopefully I can reach a sweet spot with meds soon, and try and regain a bit of independence and autonomy when I shake this funk.

Just feeling very much like I’m not where I should be— or rather, hoped to be— in my life at this point.

…Just going through a strange time.

4 Likes

Hang in there. Changing meds can be hard and you never can plan for things and how they affect you. Not a bad thing taking your mother in. I used to take my mother as an advocate when dealing with social security. It was nice to have that backup. Good luck with the abilify and hope it helps.

2 Likes

You’ll get there. I’ve never seen someone as intelligent and as “otherwise together” as you are fail to make it over the finish line. I faith in you.

:heart:

1 Like

I would never do that, I think my parents wouldn´t understand it. How did you feel about it?

I went through the same process, got an episode, back to 15mg. Good thing is that abilify is good for us, other meds seem ■■■■■■ up

I hear ya. There are so many variables in life, especially out there, that we cannot control the outcome of most of them… idk I´ve been thinking that lately. A lot of self-improvement books sell that you can control everything that happens to you; not buying it.

1 Like

Thanks @rogueone :dizzy:.

Sometimes it’s a bumpy road, but if anything, I think we’ve both been pretty lucky to have had our moms with us throughout most of the journey.

Hope you’re doing well :+1:.

Thanks @shutterbug :dizzy:.

I really appreciate your vote of confidence. Thanks for continuing to set a positive example of recovery on this forum, and for believing in others as well.

Hope all is well your side :+1:.

1 Like

Sometimes it sucks, and then it sucks some more, and then you wake up one day and it just doesn’t suck anymore. Tomorrow is always another day. I hope everything gets straightened away quickly for you

I can well imagine how strange it would have been having your mother there. I considered having my sister sit in on a therapy session with me years ago. But I was too much of a mess, and I couldn’t deal with it so I canceled

1 Like

Haha yea, it’s tough to get it if one hasn’t experienced it for sure. It was a little rough at times, especially when my mom was explaining how my illness affects her. Wasn’t a guilt trip by any means, but I couldn’t help but feel pretty responsible for affecting her in that way. Was just kinda like, “damn, I really do have an illness and it really does suck a lot.”

Ooof, that’s rough. I hope you’re feeling more stable on 15mg these days :+1:. That was also a really good amount for me as well— maybe slightly “dampening” as far as personality and emotions go. If they make like a 12.5mg dose, I’d try that no probs.

True— nothing in this life is guaranteed. I think I heard this in a song lyric or something but it went something like, “there’s no such thing as security— just different levels of insecurities.” I dunno if it applies, but what you said made me think about that. And yea, there’s maybe like, two decent self-help books out there. But IMO, that genre is bloated to the gills with grifters and pseudo-gurus. Just my opinion though :sweat_smile:.

Hope you’re doing good :dizzy:

2 Likes

I am sorry you feel bad you are a real sweetheart and deserve sanity and happiness…I wish you well…be honest with your pdoc and work on your dose of abilify…abilify ruined my life…I am on generic prolixin , fluphenazine, and love life.

1 Like

Defos, it’s all very cyclical for sure. Lots of peaks and valleys, lots of ebbs and flows. Sometimes people (defos myself included) get so bogged down during those bad days that we forget there’s still room for plenty of good ones ahead. Thanks for the reminder :+1:.

Yea, that family therapy dynamic is tough. If you didn’t feel comfortable going through with it, then you totally made the right choice to skip out. I was wishing I did the same thing about 7 seconds in, to be honest :sweat_smile:.

Hope you’re doing good :dizzy:.

1 Like

Thanks for your kind words @jukebox :dizzy:.

I’m glad you’re on a med combo that helps you feel much better now :+1:.

Hope you’re doing well :+1:.

2 Likes

thanks…nervous about a c t scan friday. other than that on top of the world…thank you. this too shall pass.

2 Likes

This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.