I’ve recently switched meds, and my paranoia and delusions are ALL over the ■■■■■■■ map now… On one hand, this has been an amazing switch for me; I’m not so sedated, feel like myself again (haven’t in years), I’ve laughed and smiled (legitimately, not just a show) more in the past few weeks than I have in the last few years, and I’ve actually rolled through some TERRIFYING delusions from start to finish in a more positive healing way (something that used to be a sure ticket to in-patient)! But on the other hand, when I DO feel even the tiniest fear/paranoia/irrational thinking, it goes from zero to sixty instantly, I cant quickly change the record like I used to. AND, a few of my older smaller delusions have suddenly come back into rotation…
One of which is REALLY depressing the ■■■■ out of me this week. Like, this might undo a lot of the positive steps I’ve made and I didn’t know who else I could ask for help but you guys!!!
This is going to sound like, well I mean, you guys know how it sounds, and I chose here because you guys are the only ones who truly understand why and how much I believe this. I need a totally unbiased stranger to tell me what they think when they see me. I’ve been working on getting my body back and getting healthier the past couple of years, and finally have had a little more self-esteem, but my body dysmorphia (maybe I’m WAY different looking than I think I am) and delusions that I’m someone else, or that there’s something wrong with me that no one will say, all of that ■■■■■■■■ is back and bigger than ever.
So I’m looking for first impressions here, a roast even, like dont hold back and be brutally honest snd descriptive please
First impressions: you look Russian, like you really like punk music, and you would attend a protest and end up getting arrested defending someone else’s civil liberties. Your family is super cute, btw.
I would like to ask what med you took,and what you switched to. I know the negatives are brutal,but if your current med isn’t cutting it, you might be able to find a different one or an adjunct.
@Yellowdiamond is your profile picture from a Skyrim mod? I have that same exact night sky in my game.
@Obsessed123 what are your body dysmorphia beliefs about? I can’t see anything that stands out as very unusual. Except your red hair maybe, but it looks nice.
nice pics. just wondering if you could explain what the actual paranoia and delusions are
or is it just in general, or, is something causing this, like
something happened that made you feel
Nothing wrong or abnormal about your looks @Obsessed123.
Profile pic was just perfect timing with the sunlight one day in the car, I’m addicted to sun lol.
My body dysmorphia is probably considered more delusional because of my SZA dx, but over the years, I’ve REALLY fluctuated weight-wise (thanks meds), and so when I would blow up fast, I would stay convinced that the weight was only noticeable to me, like I was still thin. Obviously it hurt when i would get asked about the ''baby’s" due date or my clothes wouldn’t fit or tear etc… and when I lose the weight, I’m convinced I haven’t. In fact, I’ve gone WAY the other way and feel like I must be WAY heavier than I think/feel/see.
It’s way more than just weight though. Buckle up lol. About 50% of the time, I have a God complex lol, I think/feel/see a 9.5 that could destroy the world with my knockout looks and personality. The other 50% (especially lately) I think I’m totally insane to think I’m normal/beautiful/attractive looking, and see more of a “Rachel’s sister in Pet Cemetery” situation LOL. I’ve looked through a bunch of pictures of myself the past few days and thought “Holy ■■■■, how did I think this was a good picture of me?!?” Like, I’m seriously seeing a haggard, disfigured looking woman, and I’m EMBARRASSED for wearing sexy clothes or feeling like when men look a little longer at me they’re not thinking “WOW!” (what God-complex me thinks), they’re thinking “What the ■■■■?!? ”
I also flip back and forth on whether my husband exists. One of my big 3, my main psychotic delusions. 1. I think I’m dead/dying violently. 2. I think my husband is imaginary, or a split personality of mine. 3. I think I’m actually WAY crazier/sicker than I am, maybe even in an institution, and everyone is in on it and knows but me.
So I’m filing this one under possible body dysmorphia and delusion… Maybe I AM him. Maybe HEATHER is a split personality. Or maybe, if I’m far enough gone that I see/feel him (who doesn’t exist), maybe I actually look NOTHING like I think. Either “Pet Cemetery sister”, or “Shallow Hal”.
That’s a lot of switching back and forth between different delusions/unusual beliefs!
It’s been a lot of years, lol. The big 3 are always hanging around, there have been several others that just weren’t as disruptive/lasting.
And the main, constantly on my mind, the one that has put me in-patient a couple of times, is that I’m dead/dying in some type of gruesome way
No, from Google facebook banner.
You look healthy and active I’m not a fan of under the eye make up, but that’s just personal preference
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