Still Irritated... my sis called the cops on me

Last night, my plant killing neighbor and I went out for dinner. After dinner we went to Shoreline park and watched the sunset and just talked. We fell asleep.

Next thing I know, it was 3:00 a.m. and there is a cop knocking on my car window, asking questions, checking I.D… and I got sobriety tested.

It turns out, my sis called the cops and reported me as missing.

Still irritated. I’m 29, what is she thinking? Now she says I’m going to have to carry a real cell phone so she can check in. I’m calming down, but still irritated, she’s my kid sis, not my Mom.

I was hoping a chance to vent this off would help. But still irritated.


The right thing to do is carry a cell so you can text her, but you’re right. She is not your mother, you are an adult.

She cares a lot about you obviously.


Oh no! And she’s on this forum too so will probably be explaining why…
probably worried about you. Did you not tell her you would be out late?
If you all live together, I always went by the unwritten policy if you’re going to be out later than usual tell the others in the home.

For example my wife used to work a late shift and got off at midnight, would be home by 1 am. A couple times she decided to stop at Walmart and didn’t get home till 2 or 3 so if i was awake i’d sort of start freaking out.
One time she came in at 3 and had gone off the road, putting the car in a ditch, had to walk home…so i had reason to be concerned.
So, she would always tell me after that if she was late not to worry, she might stop at Walmart, and if she wasn’t home by dawn and hadn’t called to call the cops…
The reason for my unwritten policy is one time when i was 20 I lived with friends and stayed out all night after work partying…My friends were concerned and somewhat pissed…told me i should have called. I was like, I’m over 18, but they said i normally came in between 6 - 8 so if i was staying out i should call.

I can understand both sides…


J don’t take it to heart, it is very obvious that she cares about you - I would talk to her about it, but try to understand her reasoning behind it too. I am sure that you will feel better once you digest the whole thing - a cell phone wouldn’t be a bad idea. I always carry my cell phone, it makes me feel more secure, this way I am connected just in case


It it is normal to feel irritated but I don’t think late nights or early mornings are something your sis is used to from you. That’s probably why she called the cops and because she was worried and didn’t know how to get hold of you since you don’t carry a cell phone. I always make sure that I’ve got my cell phone on me when I take walks so that if something should happen to me along the road I can phone or someone else could use the phone to call for assistance. I really do hope you’ll consider getting a cell phone.


Growing pains… a year ago she probably would have been right to call the cops :smile:

Cell phone is a great idea.

Put yourself in her shoes. She is not a child anymore either and you are not her parent yet if she was out late then you would be a bit freaked out.

It’s ok to be upset or irritated. Give yourself time to calm down and I’m sure as you do and see all sides that your irritation will go away.


I understand feeling irritated. I get irritated quite easily. But it was all for the better- not showing up at home from a late night for you could have mean something bad had happened. It was all in good will.

Whenever I have ran into the police, they dont really ■■■■ around, they call for a Crisis Intervention Team officer, officers who are trained to deal with mentally ill people. They have talked me down from violent drunken rampages and dealt with me t-boning a car at 2am without being accusatory, they were like well you’re on three sedating meds, you lifted weights for a couple hours and had sex, and you’re still out and about, obviously you’re exhausted and sedated from your meds and cant drive and just gave me a ticket for running a stop sign and were actually friendly and let me sit in their car while my parents came to get me because it was freezing outside.

But yeah, CIT officers are patient and understanding, they dont act like normal cops. I’ve never really delt with normal cops since I my friends and I were busted for being at a park after dark, it was ■■■■■■■■, the cop picked me as the ringleader because I was the only 18 year old and cussed me out and said he could have all this bad ■■■■ happen to me but was being nice. I ended up showing up in court just to get a 35 dollar ticket for trespassing…stupid waste of both my time and the four cops’ time.

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you two live in same place and she is your sister, it’s completely her right to be worried about you and vice versa, what’s the problem with you man? she has done a right thing because she loves you as a sister, apologize her and give her a hug.


When my sisters treat me to dinner or buy me a shirt or sit in on a doctors appointment with me, or go to Social Security with me, theyhtend to feel a little responsible for me and feel they have a stake in me and deserve to know a little about my business. I can understand it. It’s like I almost owe them that. But I don’t tell them everything. I think at the worst your sister over-reacted but only because she is looking out for you. At best you have someone who is very concerned with your welfare.
Dr. Phil says “You teach people how to treat you”.
If this is the first time you stayed out that late, I can understand her worry. But I understand completely your point of view too.

“she’s my kid sis, not my Mom”.

You know I don’t want to bug you , James, but you’re not her father.
Yet don’t you go through her belongings? Your roles in living with each other are kind of blurred and not set or perhaps not defined enough or agreed upon enough. I’m not saying it’s necessarily bad, it just may be confusing to both of you.


There was one time I went out to a restaurant with a guy at 6:30PM. At that same time my father was knocking on my door and got no answer. He called the police on me. :police_car:

My pdoc banned me from dating so my father was quite mad. :angry:

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I have to agree with @77nick77, that you and kid sis have some blurred boundaries. You both feel responsible for each other, and both have to look out for each other.

I think this can cause role confusion and problems in situations just like this.

This would be a good time to have a discussion and define some boundaries with each other.

But in the meantime, I’m SO sorry that this happened to you. Being interrogated by a cop and given a sobriety test is horrible :frowning:

Make today a better day.




By the way:


I think what your sister did was understandable. Just think about it from her perspective. What if you had a psychotic break? Wouldn’t you be glad if she called someone then? If she went out with some people you didn’t know who you knew were into drugs and stuff (or anything else that could put her in danger) and she didn’t come home what would you do?


sorry to be a wet blanket but i kinda agree with your sis,

you have got a mental illness so she is obviously is going to be worried about you if you dont come in at a normal time and its not something you normally do,

i would be the same, even though you were ok (which is a good thing) she wasnt to know that.

hope you are ok and you calm down, your sister was just doing what she thought was right she didnt mean to spoil your fun, i guess she just thought she was helping you if you were in trouble.

take care


Dude, this is wierd to me that people would do that.

even while in the deepest depths of psychosis no one gave a ■■■■ about me, i even showed up at my fathers begging for help and he just told me he didn’t have time and to ■■■■ off.

A proper balance would be good with these things but you are on the longer side of the stick j, it’s better than her completely neglecting you right? Just have to find that balance thats all.

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hey , you have two mums’ now, both a wee bit scary.
just get a cell phone and your life will be easier, remember she does it out of love for her big brother i found your story really sweet, although i can understand your irritation !!
i hope the sunset was nice with your plant killer friend.
take care


this just means your sister cares enough for you to call the cops. I got lost in the city I live in now and my brother got the entire highway patrol looking for me. I was irritated at him too. Right now it was just embarrassing to me.


Thank you for the replies, Maybe I’m being too hard on her. As soon as she unlocks her bedroom door, I’ll try and talk to her and I’ll try and get her to eat something.

I’m still irritated, but it is a fair point that… this is the first time I’ve stayed out all night with no preplanning in almost 7 years. I hate phones. I really do not want a cell phone.

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J, you are a kind person, I can tell that to you right now, and your heart is in the right place. If she doesn’t want to eat something, don’t push her, just say it’s there if she wants it. I’ve had experiences with drama and not wanting to eat afterwards. Just take it easy J. As for the phone…I don’t know what to tell you about that. XD

J, what I can see is both you and your sis acted properly in this drama. When you were irritated you thought you are a normal person who should enjoy the freedom of spending one night outside without telling family or partner, and you forgot that you were an SZ who needs someone to look after you. When your sis takes the role of the caregiver she has some responsibility including calling the cops when you are missing. So if you accept her role as a caregiver, you should respect her responsibility and concerns. Every coin has two sides. so you have to compromise like taking a cell phone with you.


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