I haven’t had much alcohol in a few months. I decided to stop after I realized that alcohol was depressing me, so I cut it out completely. I had a couple strong beers, and that was too much as it was. I’ve pretty much decided even one beer isn’t worth it. I also started a new medication which increases the effects and enjoyment of alcohol, so I will avoid it. I also have decided to try and quit smoking cigarettes over time, but to cut out all highs. I have been smoking this legal herb. I bought it from a store. But, I’ve done a little research and realized that you can have a heart attack from this stuff. I actually had a panic attack from it on several occasions. So I thought it was one type that was worse than the other, and then I just had my first panic attack from smoking too much of the kind I thought was safe. Also, it almost ruined Christmas.
I told my brother and dad who had a huge talk with me. Then I smoked it again thinking it was helping make me feel better. At this point, I’m so mad at myself. But it’s not just that, I know the reason everyone was mad is because they love me and they don’t want me to get sick from this stuff. They reacted so strongly, like 4 people. I’m struggling a bit with being around 2 people who wanted to smoke it. I’ve already stopped hanging out with one and now I just told my boyfriend that if he’s going to continue to smoke anything to get high, I won’t supply transportation and I won’t be around when he does it.
I don’t want to be around for it. I also know his mother has been very forgiving when she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want her son smoking this spice stuff or really anything else for that matter. She said it makes him psychotic. He also flipped out at me afterwards.
I kept trying not to and he kept pushing, then at one point I almost felt addicted to it. It’s supposed to be just flowers etc, but I think there’s research chemicals in it.
I’m determined not to mess up again. I won’t talk to him for awhile for this reason.